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    dots Submission Name: Boundaries dots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 524
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2610


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    dots Boundaries dots

                             I am the Mobius man I stand
                             On the circle of your forever.
                             The sky is not as blue as my eyes
                             Nor can the space between us
                             Hold any secret that I cannot see.
                             You are a fierce whisper beneath
                             The unblinking light of Venus.
                             Your eyes contain my universe
                             And demarcate the conditions
                             Of play.
                             We are not the merging of dreams
                             Into a single point in space.
                             But separate worlds on the same
                             Journey through time.

    Submitted on 2012-10-29 00:25:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is definitely going to my faves.
    "We are not the merging of dreams" very good line here.
    "but separate worlds..." for me this is better "distinct worlds"..
    The opening line is so strong it somewhat tells me you are together but you are who you are no matter what
    and you will stand firm to your convictions..very nice there.
    | Posted on 2012-10-30 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi DaleP.

    This piece of writing seemed vast, and enveloping, your words were more of a statement than an invitation or emphasis in any one direction. I thought it worked very well with the vocabulary, which is what initially caught my attention.

    Your final lines are the most intriguing, I would say, in that you redirect your reader. You maintain an identity, a separation, yet it is still a provision of your relationship, your independence is significant.

    But your 'journey' together is paramount.

    Personally, I found your writing to be a bit alternative. I still thought it was well organized and written, and I am glad I stumbled upon it.


    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooh, that demarcation in the last several lines speak of things that may run parallel but never combine, unite, or collide.... At least that is how I understood it this time around.
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]

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