I am the Mobius man I stand
On the circle of your forever.
The sky is not as blue as my eyes
Nor can the space between us
Hold any secret that I cannot see.
You are a fierce whisper beneath
The unblinking light of Venus.
Your eyes contain my universe
And demarcate the conditions
We are not the merging of dreams
Into a single point in space.
But separate worlds on the same
Journey through time.
this is definitely going to my faves.
"We are not the merging of dreams" very good line here.
"but separate worlds..." for me this is better "distinct worlds"..
The opening line is so strong it somewhat tells me you are together but you are who you are no matter what
and you will stand firm to your convictions..very nice there.
This piece of writing seemed vast, and enveloping, your words were more of a statement than an invitation or emphasis in any one direction. I thought it worked very well with the vocabulary, which is what initially caught my attention.
Your final lines are the most intriguing, I would say, in that you redirect your reader. You maintain an identity, a separation, yet it is still a provision of your relationship, your independence is significant.
But your 'journey' together is paramount.
Personally, I found your writing to be a bit alternative. I still thought it was well organized and written, and I am glad I stumbled upon it.