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Note To Self

Author: Rainwater
Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 7 /29 /19
Words: 27
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 801
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Don't poke around people's phones, folks. When you find what you're looking for it's still shitty.

Note To Self

And I read your secret self-confession
Your subtle note-to-self:

"You love him
You know you do"

Which would have been thrilling if I were "him"

Submitted on 2012-10-29 17:14:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This sounds more like a facebook post than a poem or anything.
Sure, it's hard to define poetry nowadays, anything can be a poem with the right sub- or context. But since there's no given context, nothing to figure out, no underlying themes, i find it hard to see something poetic in this.
Sure, since there are almost no rules to what is a poem nowadays, you could just say this is a poem. That just asking myself whether this is a poem proves that it is.

But you know.
If you do minor changes that are the obvious hints to this being a poem you get this:

I read your secret self-confession,
your subtle note-to-self:
"You love him, you know you do"
Which would have been thrilling if I were "him"

Now let's deformat this:

I read your secret self-confession,your subtle note-to-self: "You love him, you know you do"
Which would have been thrilling if I were "him"

I know its wrong to do something like this, I just wanted to point something out: I just corrected the punctuation, deleted one word, and put the stanzas in a normal order. And it sounds like just anything you would read and say "yeah bummer". But thats it.

Looks a this:

I sit in bed in a light stupor, last night we fucked. I mean really fucked. We were high and she was dancing.
I'm not a child anymore.

Sounds familiar? Did the same here, but you can still see that there's something poetic about it, you wonder about the dancing, but it gives you a nice feel about it, something hard to put in words, but its there. thats what makes it poetry at least in our modern understanding of poetry. (in 200 years, people may think that shakespeare is shit, so...)

My point is: What makes me want to read this? What are you trying to make me feel? With which words? Is that all there is to it, thats the only thing you feel, or is there something else that might not be visuable to me (and all the other readers)?

I always thought thats what poems are about. Conveying feelings, placing hints to solutions or underlying problems not visuable on first glance.

Or you could just bash me, because this is fucking long.

Definitely keep on writing,

Ps: the excerpt was from one of yours, "children"
| Posted on 2012-10-30 00:00:00 | by Jimi James | [ Reply to This ]
  There are certain boundaries that we shouldn't cross. Unfortunately for us we cross them all the time. Sometimes the heart is stubborn and that love we think we may feel is just an illusion we refuse to let go. The note to self might be a confession that has long been hidden and it give us a little freedom to be able to say it out loud even if it is to ourselves. This confession frees us and allows us to move forward. So don't despair though the present might seem a little bleak I am sure that the future will be bright.
| Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]

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