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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A day of Falling Rocksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: quicksorrow
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 33/9/8
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 618



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA day of Falling Rocksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sky

    I climbed you as a young boy
    thought you're so high
    and as I was midway across the horizon
    just about to touch the clouds
    that belongs to you
    I fell



    cold with my frail hopes


    Sky

    I will climb you once more as a man
    you seemed to be higher now
    I have my years behind me
    with the same legs, arms, back
    but larger brain to plot you with faith
    refresh my step to fall once more


    with unyielding hopes
    to try again.





    Submitted on 2012-10-29 20:11:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First off, I think that's a great title because it kind of sets you up for some kind of fable or myth type poem and I think the poem goes a fair way to deliver that.

    There's a nice sense of mystery in places also and I always enjoy that in a poem.

    Just a couple of things I noted that might help the flow:

    I wonder how you'd feel about placing 'you're so high' in italics? It feels like thought dialogue so I think differentiating it like that would help it read more smoothly. And in the penultimate line of that stanza I wonder if you meant 'belong'?

    Nice to read this.

    And also, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the 'add cool formatting' feature in the submit section, but it gives you all of the HTML code for things like indenting and italics and such (just in case you hadn't discovered that yet :) ).
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


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