[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A day of Falling Rocksdots

    Author: quicksorrow
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 33/9/8
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 618


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA day of Falling Rocksdots


    I climbed you as a young boy
    thought you're so high
    and as I was midway across the horizon
    just about to touch the clouds
    that belongs to you
    I fell

    cold with my frail hopes


    I will climb you once more as a man
    you seemed to be higher now
    I have my years behind me
    with the same legs, arms, back
    but larger brain to plot you with faith
    refresh my step to fall once more

    with unyielding hopes
    to try again.

    Submitted on 2012-10-29 20:11:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      First off, I think that's a great title because it kind of sets you up for some kind of fable or myth type poem and I think the poem goes a fair way to deliver that.

    There's a nice sense of mystery in places also and I always enjoy that in a poem.

    Just a couple of things I noted that might help the flow:

    I wonder how you'd feel about placing 'you're so high' in italics? It feels like thought dialogue so I think differentiating it like that would help it read more smoothly. And in the penultimate line of that stanza I wonder if you meant 'belong'?

    Nice to read this.

    And also, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the 'add cool formatting' feature in the submit section, but it gives you all of the HTML code for things like indenting and italics and such (just in case you hadn't discovered that yet :) ).
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]