Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Moon Doomeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 427
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2174



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoon Doomeddots
    -------------------------------------------


                   The moon returned again tonight.
                   She tried to snuggle up to me in bed.
                   it matters not that I spurn her advances.
                   I told her I love another but she whispers
                   "I am here now! Where is she?"

                   This morning I confront
                   those accusing brown eyes.
                   They see the moon glow stain on my collar.
                   They know I was up all night
                   goggling my blue eyes at the moon again.
                   "please," I cry
                   "the moon means nothing to me
                   I was only lonely and confused
                   missing your brown eyes."
                   but
                   It is no use
                   I am doomed.




    Submitted on 2012-11-02 18:08:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "I am here now! Where is she?"

    This line goes really well with the picture. I'm not a fan of the second part though. I think you could drop it entirely. Only the first part under that picture would look gorgeous!
    | Posted on 2012-11-06 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      'moon glow stains on my collar'...that's one good line, I love the image it conjures.

    I love the idea of having an affair with the moon- and how romantic that might be.

    When we're missing our one, it can be so hard to keep missing.

    Lovely little poem, Dale.
    | Posted on 2012-11-03 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]
      Everything feels the same in the dark.
    | Posted on 2012-11-03 00:00:00 | by EmptyBox | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha, this is cute. I like the image of moon glow stains on your collar. It's refreshing to see the lighter side of my lovely moon.

    Well done Dale :)
    | Posted on 2012-11-03 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196372

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry