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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doorsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1167



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoorsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Downtown, there's a rundown department store
    whose front door is glass.  The automatic slide-apart kind of door  
    that once welcomed with a blast of ice-cool air 
    whatever credit carrying shoppers blithely advanced.
    Am I the door?

    Downtown, a child approaches on forbidden empty sidewalks 
    bidden by hidden entryways.  The streets are quiet now.  
    Only a glint of sun lights the sign; the power's been cut.
    The glass wears a thick coating of dust and grease.
    Am I the child?  

    With a dirty finger he drags his first name through the dirty film,    
    swipes a dirty sleeve across the surface.  He pushes 
    his face to the door, stands awhile peering inside
    and imagines himself winding up new toy trains, trying on hats,             
    lying down on miniature beds.  He begins to know he'll never enter.

    And so he walks home.  Home to a heavy wooden door 
    on a house that even he can't see into
    until it swings wide - at the trick of his own key -
    on hinges of love or living,
    of here and now.  




    Submitted on 2012-11-03 16:44:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Am I the door?

    I dunno but I feel I can see right through you, in this piece at least. I found nothing disappointing here just some honest writing and dirty images. I really appreciate both!
    | Posted on 2012-11-06 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I find the ending disappointing, the setting up of beginning and middle bits entrancing. Good use of sound and question as a device to give form. a feeling momentum, an incorrigible pause.

    Compelling bit of art, but - I'd rather the ending was bleak rather than predictable art. The ending: it feels like anyone could have written that and therefore it falls down a bit as art.

    All this imho.

    I'm not saying change the intent, fill it with content.
    | Posted on 2012-11-04 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    196382

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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