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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: on the trackdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 560
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotson the trackdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am the rose pressed on a book
    clinging to your nakedness
    with nothing to instruct me
    to love.
    Down the streets in the rain
    I trudge, hair a mess
    with a secret hush, a lovely wait
    a secret you
    above the order of things
    silly birds sing in bliss I could not share
    made your absence a force
    reeling the level of breeze
    of my thinking.


    the dream I wove in broad daylight
    to wake up stitching you
    and found, too late, my heart
    redeems what it lent
    and words with no keepsake
    made it through me from you
    like a palm to a pocket
    of restless poetry.



    I am lost in a thousand,
    a hundred years of waiting
    descending as days go
    with you,



    the train that halts only where I get off.











    Submitted on 2012-11-10 20:46:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice piece and you had me going from the first line to the next and up to the last one.


    "silly birds sing in bliss I could not share
    made your absence a force
    reeling the level of breeze
    of my thinking."

    this was just awesome. thanks for the great read

    ----Tom
    | Posted on 2012-11-13 00:00:00 | by quicksorrow | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the hush rush rhyme is too close and too obvious. Otherwise, i like this poem a lot. it socks you and is genuine. an elegant gust.
    | Posted on 2012-11-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      
    If I were a book I would have to be a love story
    written just to press upon your rose. For a small segment
    of time I hesitated with
    +fav so many of your poems now
    I give up. You have given me no choice but to+fav you.
    and +fav you and +fav you
    and
    Now
    I intend to
    +fav you forever.
    | Posted on 2012-11-10 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196429

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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