Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: on the trackdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotson the trackdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am the rose pressed on a book
    clinging to your nakedness
    with nothing to instruct me
    to love.
    Down the streets in the rain
    I trudge, hair a mess
    with a secret hush, a lovely wait
    a secret you
    above the order of things
    silly birds sing in bliss I could not share
    made your absence a force
    reeling the level of breeze
    of my thinking.


    the dream I wove in broad daylight
    to wake up stitching you
    and found, too late, my heart
    redeems what it lent
    and words with no keepsake
    made it through me from you
    like a palm to a pocket
    of restless poetry.



    I am lost in a thousand,
    a hundred years of waiting
    descending as days go
    with you,



    the train that halts only where I get off.











    Submitted on 2012-11-10 20:46:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice piece and you had me going from the first line to the next and up to the last one.


    "silly birds sing in bliss I could not share
    made your absence a force
    reeling the level of breeze
    of my thinking."

    this was just awesome. thanks for the great read

    ----Tom
    | Posted on 2012-11-13 00:00:00 | by quicksorrow | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the hush rush rhyme is too close and too obvious. Otherwise, i like this poem a lot. it socks you and is genuine. an elegant gust.
    | Posted on 2012-11-10 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      
    If I were a book I would have to be a love story
    written just to press upon your rose. For a small segment
    of time I hesitated with
    +fav so many of your poems now
    I give up. You have given me no choice but to+fav you.
    and +fav you and +fav you
    and
    Now
    I intend to
    +fav you forever.
    | Posted on 2012-11-10 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196429

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry