Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: J'en ai mare à boutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Outlaw
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 510/413/195
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1033
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1046



    Description:
       Reality is tricky because when you perceive it, there is no further recourse - you cannot question the object, see if it assents to your perception of it, or not. People, however, are different in that regard, and so there is this want for a greater sense of truth in the fact of being validated by the subject at hand's opinion. At least, I know there is for me. Appearances only gain value when you let them mean something - which in most cases, is fine. But if I appear to be a murderer in a crime investigation when I am not, well, there is a reason why we have a court system. Because we know appearances don't always matter. I just wish that was sometimes a more universal precept.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJ'en ai mare à boutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    we spoke french together
    in the afternoon
    waging no wars of attrition
    only sharing
    grooved things
    feeling proofed
    by the armor of our warmth
    the cold of your fingertips
    riddling the musculature of my back
    with shivers

    an Adonis eating fruit borne
    in a land strewn with deceit
    cultivating thoughts like an apple picker
    were it he who had seeded this land
    it would be honest, caring and plentiful
    skirted by primrose and periwinkle alike.

    instead here we are, rather aren’t,
    your hand in mine with the other
    holding a fine, and now we speak english
    well into the night, drunk with the promise
    of a friendship which would appear otherwise
    an ill omen, a broken bottle unshattered
    and very few solemn words of honesty

    I’m no more than trickery
    to maintain our appearance’s sake
    and I shall take the next exit




    Submitted on 2012-11-16 02:45:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This almost reads like a one night stand, wondrous truly but slighted by the religious repercussions of a fornicating relation. Whereas, were it you who had seeded this land it would be............ but despite our intwined hands in aftermath our other hand holds God's fine. Why this would leave you feeling guilty though I don't relate, but you are not ready for a marriage proposal, or even a declaration of undying love, and so you take your leave.
    Almost sad really, I empathize, or at least thats my take on this write.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2012-11-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      This puts me in mind of the Adam and Eve story, in ways it could be read as a modern take- or excerpt from such a story, like a Paradise Lost kind of thing.

    I'm definitely influenced by your description in terms of how I then approach my reading of the poem and I found myself going back to that and reading the poem in that context. It's interesting what it does when an author describes their work, or hints at it anyway, and how that effects the reading.

    Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it was nice to have that here because it informed me, as a new reader, giving me a point of reference.

    I like the poem- its moods and movements and what it reminds me about us (as a race) and how we communicate. I like that I read it as three being present, rather then two but its almost like one is there unbeknownst to the other two, or something along those lines, which is what gives me that Adam and Eve feel- your last stanza feels like an intruding voice, an aside- like a serpent.

    Maybe out in left field, but that's the impression I'm walking away with. Enjoyed reading.
    | Posted on 2012-11-16 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196466

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Linger written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry