Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: J'en ai mare à boutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Outlaw
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 510/413/194
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1046



    Description:
       Reality is tricky because when you perceive it, there is no further recourse - you cannot question the object, see if it assents to your perception of it, or not. People, however, are different in that regard, and so there is this want for a greater sense of truth in the fact of being validated by the subject at hand's opinion. At least, I know there is for me. Appearances only gain value when you let them mean something - which in most cases, is fine. But if I appear to be a murderer in a crime investigation when I am not, well, there is a reason why we have a court system. Because we know appearances don't always matter. I just wish that was sometimes a more universal precept.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJ'en ai mare à boutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    we spoke french together
    in the afternoon
    waging no wars of attrition
    only sharing
    grooved things
    feeling proofed
    by the armor of our warmth
    the cold of your fingertips
    riddling the musculature of my back
    with shivers

    an Adonis eating fruit borne
    in a land strewn with deceit
    cultivating thoughts like an apple picker
    were it he who had seeded this land
    it would be honest, caring and plentiful
    skirted by primrose and periwinkle alike.

    instead here we are, rather aren’t,
    your hand in mine with the other
    holding a fine, and now we speak english
    well into the night, drunk with the promise
    of a friendship which would appear otherwise
    an ill omen, a broken bottle unshattered
    and very few solemn words of honesty

    I’m no more than trickery
    to maintain our appearance’s sake
    and I shall take the next exit




    Submitted on 2012-11-16 02:45:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This almost reads like a one night stand, wondrous truly but slighted by the religious repercussions of a fornicating relation. Whereas, were it you who had seeded this land it would be............ but despite our intwined hands in aftermath our other hand holds God's fine. Why this would leave you feeling guilty though I don't relate, but you are not ready for a marriage proposal, or even a declaration of undying love, and so you take your leave.
    Almost sad really, I empathize, or at least thats my take on this write.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2012-11-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      This puts me in mind of the Adam and Eve story, in ways it could be read as a modern take- or excerpt from such a story, like a Paradise Lost kind of thing.

    I'm definitely influenced by your description in terms of how I then approach my reading of the poem and I found myself going back to that and reading the poem in that context. It's interesting what it does when an author describes their work, or hints at it anyway, and how that effects the reading.

    Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it was nice to have that here because it informed me, as a new reader, giving me a point of reference.

    I like the poem- its moods and movements and what it reminds me about us (as a race) and how we communicate. I like that I read it as three being present, rather then two but its almost like one is there unbeknownst to the other two, or something along those lines, which is what gives me that Adam and Eve feel- your last stanza feels like an intruding voice, an aside- like a serpent.

    Maybe out in left field, but that's the impression I'm walking away with. Enjoyed reading.
    | Posted on 2012-11-16 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196466

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry