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    dots Submission Name: My momdots

    Author: crashley
    Elite Ratio:    0.43 - 3/26/100
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1023
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 519


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy momdots

    Young hearts
    Never really grow
    And away, like a pale
    On your skin, shining gold
    Departing as it makes way for the day.
    It smells like smoke
    and a good time
    With race cars bending around the motor speedway
    Just like you,
    And just like me.
    Abuzz and flashing colors as we pass one another.
    but lost in the whirring speed of the
    On to a new day and know always that
    I love you.

    Submitted on 2012-11-18 23:20:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm afraid all I can real;y say about this piece is it shows good potential.
    The imagery is there and a good use of words but I find that it is let down with a horrid (sorry) layout.

    Sometimes the single word lines in a work can be a very powerful tool in shaping the readers thought and making a feeling stand out, here though it does nothing but break up the flow and make the piece very difficult to read for me.

    I will not pretend to be able to rewrite this to show an improvement but I really think you can and should.

    Thank you for sharing this, please do not take my comment to heart.
    It's just my two penny's worth.
    | Posted on 2012-11-23 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]

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