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    dots Submission Name: Closer.dots

    Author: SweetAndOhSoME
    ASL Info:    17/f/Here
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 300/112/77
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 459


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Only a few words pass between us.
    Meaningless exchange,
    yet my heart flutters and my lips smile.
    My mind tells my heart to shush.
    but my heart cannot estrange
    from the give and take trial
    of incessant self-removal.
    I want to be closer.
    Why do I keep backing away?
    I would kill for your approval,
    but with you I only lose composure.
    I'm begging you to stay.


    Submitted on 2012-11-26 22:00:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is too descriptive. Try to focus more on the scene as a whole rather than individual parts...
    | Posted on 2012-11-28 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Surface emotions. Promising, to say the least. The reason you are backing away is purely due to the fact that you know what will come, you are familiar with the experience of a relationship, and your prior failed efforts. If the world was more romantic, perhaps you could have it your way, but it is not.

    So speak up. And become closer with what you are writing about.

    Before it is too late.

    I appreciate your writing, but it is only so telling, so honest. Elaborate. Give us the rest of the story.


    | Posted on 2012-11-27 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

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