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    dots Submission Name: "A Petal"dots

    Author: ARoseyTint
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 24/14/5
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1148
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 481


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    dots"A Petal"dots

    Is it so wrong to love beauty?
    To admire the ocean in all its (non) tranquility?
    To see the beauty in a corpse, mutilated by the curious scalpel?

    Is it strange to taste the poisons that linger on their lips?
    To lay in Death’s grips, such beauty it invokes, that
    even the mist on a rose cannot entrance as much as that of deaths hold.

    So is it wrong to lay and wish, on fallen stars, to kiss such a beauty as this?

    Submitted on 2012-11-28 13:51:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the enticing component of this poem, beyond the fact that you're well comfortable with non-traditional riming schemes, are the concepts you seem to want to bring to paper. I used to always want to write stories when I was young, and it occurred to me eventually that I was doing it all wrong. I kept trying to create a context for my point, for whatever singular sentence I wanted to convey. Much like a liar's attempt, it began with an egg, something that was simple enough, but then it continued to explode into a complexity much like our universe, which itself has yet to stop unfurling its more haphazard ramifications for us. My point is just that I was making the story around the point itself, instead of telling a story and finding the point that was already there. You see, much like you in writing this poem, I've always had good ideas - but, conversely, I've always also lacked the ability to just express them.

    Take your second verse, for example. The parenthetical. The tempestuous uproar, powerful Caliban lost upon his divine isle. I enjoyed the clash, but then had you wanted (and that boils down to how important it is to you to be able to call yourself a poet by your own meanings) I feel like you could've easily drawn that imagery out. Captured it mid explosion, with an extra finger able to ostentate that beautiful bifurcation. Some people think you need to draw the image that you have in mind by means of words, but words are a whole other language - one that lacks that specific ability. Worry yourself more with shaping the words into a picture, rather than having them describe one.

    I'm sometimes horrendous at giving compliments but I really mean the above as one.

    | Posted on 2013-01-02 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      It's interesting how you wonder about something that could be presumably wrong. Then again I believe that we can find beauty everywhere we want and I reckon that there's beauty all over.

    I don't think it's wrong to find it in uncommon places or in places other people deem disgusting. Besides and it's rather cheesy my saying this but "beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder"

    As for the structure of your write, I would say that you could breaking it into stanzas and having shorter lines would give it a sharper beat. As it is only the first and last part seem appealing and clear. However, that's only my take on in.

    Kind regards,

    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2012-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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