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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 825
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1031



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsapartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the static surface, the hour and I

    my lips utter softly, trying to complete a phrase
    clock ticks so gently making a maze
    of meaning got by heart
    our pavements laid apart
    by motionless oceans over and over,
    seven days, ninety days, a long time
    filling abyss.
    If we could be birds imagining wings to be
    love
    and the horizon to be pathless
    we could fly and drop
    and not like a city compel to streets
    its intersections belong to no one.
    Makes me want to be a creature
    stiff, shaken and flown away
    by mindless wind
    until time soften its edges
    give a bit of itself atop another
    before my mind enter the ground
    in pieces
    a free-fall.


    the static surface, the hour and I
    a cold chill settled in my legs
    stretched stiff
    with our love in its warmth
    I am shivering.












    Submitted on 2012-11-28 22:02:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The idea of a static surface and how well
    you have incorporated it in this poem is
    just amazing.

    the static surface, the hour and I

    my lips utter softly, trying to complete a phrase.
    clock ticks so gently making a maze
    of meaning got by heart.
    our pavements laid apart
    by motionless oceans over and over
    seven days, ninety days, a long time
    filling abyss.
    we could fly and drop
    out of time
    not like a city compelled to streets
    with intersections that belong to no one.
    Makes me want to be a creature
    stiff, shaken and flown away
    by mindless wind,
    until time softens its edges
    gives a bit of itself atop another
    right before my mind stops
    its free-fall
    and
    enters the ground
    in pieces.


    the static surface, the hour and I
    a cold chill settled in my legs
    stretched stiff
    with our love in its warmth
    I am shivering.




    | Posted on 2013-01-16 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      "the static surface, the hour and I" very strong lines here. This speaks of waiting to me and how sad this can be. I see a snapshot here well portrayed. Its amazing how your poem transport me to another dimension apart from what I have now. I do wish this poem is a bit clearer like even a single hint of what's really this is about. I will stick to waiting as a general theme here.



    ---Tom
    | Posted on 2012-12-03 00:00:00 | by quicksorrow | [ Reply to This ]


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