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    dots Submission Name: Adoredots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5501


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


                        With moon drenched eyes grown
                        Weary wise I love to watch you so
                        Redolent and fresh of face in laugh
                        Or mocking fury
                        My heart flares with yours
                        Far into
                        The darkest night even unto this early light
                        that stains a twinkled sky
    Princess of divine amour My
    Memories linger late and haunt
    My waking hours with the scarlet
    Fusion of heart to lip
    Smeared kiss
    Reflected adore of blue in my rose
    Filled eyes
    Long since have I lost you
    To bliss of slumber deep
    Still I bathe in fresh morning you

                                            The view
                                            The view
                                            The view

                        How deep is space how far the stars
                        That light
                        A cold abyss
                        The wonder
                        Of this time
                        Out of all the times
                        When chance we meet

    Our sun rises
    Caressing warm
    From me to you
    To me
    How splendid this sun appears

    Could any rose smile so sweet
    Or possess such a dainty tongue
    As thee

                        My ideal
                        Of a rose has blown
                        It has fled from
                        Crimson Red
                        In a little lace dress
                             High heel shoes

    Submitted on 2012-11-30 21:22:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I have read this so many times that I lost count. Anyway, finally found the courage to say something about this piece.
    I really like how you open the poem, the 3rd and 4th lines of the 1st stanza is great. Its amazing how you describe someone in contrasting way yet made it sound believable and sweet. I was a bit stuck in the 5th line for somereason there's something off there.

    "My eyes feast your flare...
    "My eyes feast your fairness...

    I'm not really sure where you want to go there but it sounded off for me. those are my suggestions:-).
    The rest is just perfection and I really like the last stanza the most.
    Its nice that you have a vision there and was seen clear.

    | Posted on 2013-01-22 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]

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