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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thirsty, and malevolent...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sheakhan
    ASL Info:    25/M/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 175/197/89
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 303
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 593



    Description:
       Been awhile. Here's a recent bit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThirsty, and malevolent...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Buying cigarettes,
    and missing debt payments.

    Black-out driving home, home to the chill
    and laying with bed-spring fingers
    pressed deep into too-thin skin of my ribs.

    Thirsty, and malevolent.
    Musings fade and whisper like taunting lovers,
    leading me to bed again, but never giving it up.

    A typewriter clack would soothe the soul,
    click-clack.
    But all Iíve got are these thin weak fingers,
    and hopes that tomorrow the sun will roll through the window
    and cook me alive at dawn.




    Submitted on 2012-12-09 10:13:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is like a thick syrup, the words are nice and rich. I like your imagery, I really feel the poem. My favorite part was

    A typewriter clack would soothe the soul,
    click-clack.
    But all Iíve got are these thin weak fingers,

    I could see this... the yearn and desire for something to relieve an itch, almost like an addiction. The inability to get it though and how irritating it can be to want something and the inability to get it.

    "there was a part that threw me off a bit "

    the wording here threw the rhythm off for me.

    Hope this helps and thanks for the read

    Ladydeathstrike
    | Posted on 2012-12-10 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      An artistic vampire... that's something you don't see every day. I think vampires would probably make the world's best writers. I wonder why no one has had that angle before. Rice had hers go find a writer to write the story (Lestat, etc.) Odd. I think you might be on to something.

    May all your sunrises be gray rainy ones :)
    | Posted on 2012-12-09 00:00:00 | by EmptyBox | [ Reply to This ]


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