Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Choicesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2327



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChoicesdots
    -------------------------------------------


                             I linger in the doorway of dawn
                             My shadow holds at bay
                             Those first piercing morning rays
                             I do not wish to disturb your slumber
                             Or my wide eyed wonder
                             As I bask in your gentle curves
                             We are on the edge you and I
                             Where dreams either become
                             Our lovers
                             and
                             Learn to fly
                             Or in a moment
                             Pass on by




    Submitted on 2012-12-15 05:33:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      We are on the edge you and I
    Where dreams either become
    Our lovers
    and
    Learn to fly
    Or in a moment
    Pass on by

    This part... oh this part really got to me. I like when words, and phrases and sentences can become images, a couple of sentences can become a representation of our yearnings and our fears. As I read your words I look to my own experiences and it takes me back to those moments and those feelings. To being on the verge of something wonderful... if only we take the risk... it is all determined if only...

    I like how this piece has both literal and metaphorical interpretations. By standing "in the doorway of dawn" you are on the verge of those dreams becoming a reality but "your shadow" holding you at bay reminds me of our fear to take that leap, to have that faith in our loved ones, in our own desires and dreams, our own prophecies of the future. When we are in love we become soothsayers for a future we yearn to have. All of that can be lost in a brief moment if we make the wrong choices, if we move too suddendly.

    I liked this piece.
    | Posted on 2012-12-19 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      I have thoroughly enjoyed your romantic binge of late. How you long to dream in harmony with your lover. This is a new genre for you : no demons, no shades of horror. Much more a fanatical desire for spiritual union even beyond physical joining. Although your a little bit more wild eyed and radically suppliant than I I find I empathize . I have often wanted to share dreams with my lovers.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2012-12-16 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nice. Other than when you write sonnets this is more compact than your usual fare and I quite like it. You've magicked a moment in time, and I love that we are kept on the edge with you, there's no knowing how things will turn out, and somehow that's a temporarily safe place to be.
    | Posted on 2012-12-15 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196608

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Love written by saartha
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry