Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shoveling Snowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 751



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShoveling Snowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the early hours
    the yard is a cake,
    its house and fence
    frosted crystal white.
    The walkway edges
    are softened with layer
    on swirling layer of snow.

    Did your father's thoughts drift
    as he scraped endless icing
    from cars and concrete
    before you were old enough
    to push a broom or hold a scoop,
    or know that all that brilliance
    was one man's burden to bear?

    Now, you in your driveway,
    and across town your brother.
    Kindred spirits with shovels,
    each standing in his own pile
    of the same white stuff -
    taking swipe after swipe
    of that cold and tasteless confection.





    Submitted on 2012-12-26 05:33:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    Wondrously layered. I not only see the drifting thoughts from one to another but the burden that responsibility brings. I love the snow, which is a good thing for I live very very far northwest BC and we hold world records for our snow fall. This winter was the first in many where the shoveling fell to me alone and haha well...thank goodness Mother Nature took pity on me!

    This is simply marvelous, you are some talented Miss Annie and this again was a pleasure. Thank You

    Peace
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2014-05-26 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      It is snowing profusely here today, and I am procrastinating very much about sweeping and clearing snow in order to leave the house. But it is so pretty and pristine, the river, the mountains, trees and buildings all look so beautiful, a Disney-esque fantasy wonderland. However the task at hand holds no such fascination!

    I liked how your thoughts stray to your Father's thoughts as you performed the tasks he once did -- I find myself doing that a lot lately. It's walking in another's shoes, that we glimpse what they might have seen, feel what they have felt, or hear whispers of voices long-silent.

    Write On
    Silver
    | Posted on 2014-03-05 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool, pun intended. :) I miss snow sometimes. I think I'd rather have snow than all this rain at least. Both are just as cold and miserable I guess. This is written beautifully. I really like your writing style. I like how you say it, and the images of icing and gingerbread-ish houses/yards/decorations (cars), and the symmetry of siblings in the end, carrying on the tradition of snow shoveling and how tasteless it becomes as the burden is passed on. Really love your writing.
    | Posted on 2013-01-01 00:00:00 | by EmptyBox | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nice. How can I say it? A simple moment, an extended metaphor. Usually I don't go in for these things. Too often they're spread too thin. But I feel like here, the point isn't the metaphor, its the content, a feeling beneath the surface that's only hinted at. "Did your father's thoughts drift" - drift to what? I find my own thoughts drifting toward whatever imagined thoughts one thinks, alone in the cold. And the word choice here merits mentioning- drift, as is snow drift, rather than wander. There is, as nwproud said, a sense of self-sufficiency, pride, a sense of family - to think back to those same thoughts, to have a similar experience, to understand what it is to stand alone, to work for oneself or one's family. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2012-12-29 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      When I read through this piece of writing, I imagine the recollections of each brother as they work to shovel and scoop the snow, memories of helping their father when they were younger, and how the tasks and responsibilities were eventually handed down to them as they grew old enough. A sense of pride, really, to be working on their own, finally, and how perhaps one day they would have sons or daughters or teach such responsibility and appreciation to.

    Ultimately, the writing retains a positive feeling if only for the initial and closing comparison to a perfectly iced and frosted cake. Thanks for sharing.

    -Tony
    | Posted on 2012-12-28 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196650

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry