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    dots Submission Name: with all sinceritydots

    Author: isabella
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 803/905/472
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 760
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 296


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswith all sinceritydots

    i wish i could show you the sun.
    how it rises: belly-like,
    red and on fire, just up
    over the mountain.

    or how i sigh. missing you.
    knowing missing you
    was the best decision
    I ever made.

    Submitted on 2013-01-08 10:25:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Isabella - This is a misc. write. it's not labeled as poetry, but the first stanza is surely that. The second however, seems disconnected from the first, both in structure and intent. why not pull the two together through a structural change, perhaps as so:

    or how i sigh, missing you
    how i cry, jelly-like
    tears of sorrow, tears of joy
    over the best decision I ever made.

    Just a suggestion.

    | Posted on 2015-01-26 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      It sucks to miss people. And those people always have a way of popping into your head at random moments of enjoyment. It's even worse when its someone you know you have to miss, for your own well-being.

    The main description in this is gorgeous. You describe the sun so beautifully. Sometimes nature sorta bowls me over with not just its beautiful but also how much it needs to be respected. And then the second stanza is just perfectly said. And the revelation of that composed with revelation of the rising sun is excellent.
    | Posted on 2013-01-10 00:00:00 | by Aym | [ Reply to This ]
      or how i sigh. missing you.
    knowing missing you
    was the best decision
    I ever made.

    I love that even within the sighs of missing someone, you know it's the best decision ever made. People can become an addiction and it can be so easy to give in to the sadness of missing someone....

    | Posted on 2013-01-10 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2013-01-09 00:00:00 | by slingerofink | [ Reply to This ]

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