When I was pregnant with Jeffrey, I was very excited with him though it was an unplanned pregnancy. There is a little life, a fetus growing inside me and his life depends on me. I always knew that I was carrying a boy. Because I love blue and hated pink I kept praying to God please, please let it be boy by then I could play wrestling with him. He made me realized how much I need to grow up and be responsible for him. I envision him to be handsome and smart and so forth though I had my fears. As a first time mother such as what if I die during labour, or would be my child be healthy or would he have any deformity but mostly I wanted to see so much how he would look like. For the past nine months other than crying almost every day I guess it was hormones or that because Jeffrey father did not want to take responsibility of my pregnancy.
I called Alex. “Alex, I think I’m pregnant”. Waiting for an answer, I was waiting for him to say and do the ‘right thing’. There was silence for a minute
“Who is the father of the baby?” He asked with a slight laugh, was it a sarcastic?
‘You! Who do you think I had sex with all these while!” I screamed
“I thought you were joking” he explained. I did not find it funny.
“This is not a joke, who would want to joke about this kind of thing!” I told him irritated. I had really wanted to slap him. Why he would want to say such thing? Does he think I am sleeping around?
“I told you it is not a good idea to have an unprotected sex.” He reminded me of his insistence on using condoms. I hated condom, I felt that I could not feel any senses with it.
“I do not think it was that time, you had ejaculated it out. It must have been before that remembered the condom burst when we had sex”. I butted in. I remembered it clearly. He was kissing me as I was on top of him. I was propped in a sitting up position and there he was telling me that he had just experience multiple orgasms. After a while I tried to stand up, I then saw semen spilling out from the top of the condom.
“Yours or mine? Asked Alex
“Yours, the condom must have burst” I told him, his face changed, he looked paled. To make him feel better him, I knew he did not want me to get pregnant. While on the other hand I had wanted to marry him and have his babies. I had always respected his decision.
“Don’t worry I won’t get pregnant” I took a piece of tissue and put in my vagina and scoop what I could from inside.
“See all out...” I told him. Secretly I was hoping I was having my ovulation on that day.
That day was 31st January it was exactly 14 days after my last day of menses. I didn’t realize then about it so much but I did think it’s around one of these dates. Prior before Alex came to meet me I notice a whitish sticky stain something that looks like egg white on my panties. I had slight fever and I thought because I had caught a cold because I was under drizzling rain a few days ago.
I went to have a shower but while showering I was hoping that I would get pregnant that my egg would meet his sperm. It was a wishful thinking but I kept praying for it to happen I badly wanted his baby. I prayed in the church a few days ago and wishing that I would walk downs the aisle with him.
I had experience headaches on 13th February. It was Hari Raya Haji, a Public Holiday when Alex took me to a five star hotel to celebrate our Valentine’s Day. Alex had also celebrated his birthday on 2nd February so it was like a double celebration. We had the whole day to ourselves. I had history of migraine (partly due to my grinding during my sleep, its genetics) so I brush it off as normal. We had a wonderful time that day.
“This is an expensive hotel! I exclaimed “You do not need to go to this extent”