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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Flower in a Blizzard waiting for the Fabled Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cure
    ASL Info:    24/M/BakerCity, Or
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 26/23/15
    Words: 671
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3214



    Description:
       the funnest thing about writing this was that i got to use her real first and middle name; Precious Rose lol or thats just the funnest thing about her name. one of the two lol also,... should i send this?...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Flower in a Blizzard waiting for the Fabled Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Flower in a Blizzard
    waiting for the Fabled Sunlight

    As the snow begins to fall I fantasize of an unexpected phone call.

    As the snow begins to fall I start to see her soft smile shinning upon me.

    As the snow falls, I start to remember those tantalizing blue eyes.

    As the snow continues to fall, I… start to... remember it all.

    As the snowfall begins to grow my hopes for a phone call begin to fade.

    As the snowfall grows, I start to see her eyes fill with pain.

    As the snowfall grows my heart begins to feel the same.

    As the snowfall grows the truth begins to appear.

    As the snowfall grows the good memories start to slow and regrets begin to show.

    As the snowfall continues to grow anger and sorrow become all that I know.

    As the snowfall begins to rage I start to scribble over all my old diary’s self-loathing pages.

    As the snowfall rages I sit wishing I could edit our life’s previous pages.

    As the snowfall rages I contemplate what I could have done to save us.

    As the snowfall continues to rage I grow weary of even finishing today’s page.

    As the snowfall starts to slow my heart begins to grow cold.

    As the snowfall slows I realize what it means to reap what you sow.

    As the snowfall slows I see that in this environment a Precious Rose like mine could never have grown.

    As the snowfall continues to slow I think about me being the one to make the unexpected phone call. But sadly I know how unfortunate that would go.

    As the snowfall begins to stop I start to feel the true weight of these thoughts.

    As the snowfall begins to stop I realize that my over bearing concern for my thoughts is why we always fought.

    And after the snowfall has finally stopped the truth becomes clear;

    Your love for me withered when I hastily left you alone out in the cold, waiting for the fabled sunlight I always spoke of. And even knowing I would never acquire such a thing from the place I was leaving too, you still battled the elements of my storm. Even with your shaken sense of faith, shattered dreams and broken heart you clung to Pandora’s box, longer than I could of ever deserved. Til sadly my blizzard of neglect and deceit finally consumed you.

    Now after all the snow has fallen

    I find the fabled Love I always spoke of hidden within a dusty old box, lying next to where my beautiful flower's body had fallen.

    Now after all the snow has fallen

    All I know is pain and remorse as I morn over the death of the only thing that has ever loved me.


    And now, after all the snow has finally stopped falling

    I sit here foolishly gripping my phone, praying for it to suddenly light up and say; “Rose is calling”...






    Submitted on 2013-01-15 21:36:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the repetition used to convey the falling snow although it gets annoying half way through it. I think this poem would be much better if it was shorter and more compact. I would work on that...
    | Posted on 2016-10-21 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a nice range of emotions that it draws us through. Hope to worry to being forlorn, etc. I suspect that "Tell sadly my blizzard" might be meaning "Til...

    "I find the fabled LOVE I had never not had." Is a bit awkward (and probably bad grammar) and it looks like a period there that is out of place.

    You might consider a more gentle word than "gripping" in the closing, some way to show tenderness and longing instead of just being anxious.

    I do like the way the snowfall changes carry along the story.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2013-01-16 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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