[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Perioddots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Look at this patch of light, it flew through
    The concrete void and finally collided
    Into this dreamy scattering.
    Is this my gift, or was it ever real?
    The drums are fading but my heart catches up,
    It is the song bird of the morning, unaware
    Of the eavesdropping hopefuls with strained
    Joints and eager noses. If I were to break out
    The life line on my palm, stretch and subside
    Like a book thrown on the floor by accident
    The ink would be awash with fire, bluish hue and then - -
    Obscurity, condensed
    between the collarbones.
    I should be bold and rip it out, my faulty trachea
    collapsing in the bitter air
    where ghosts of you are lingering.

    Submitted on 2013-01-31 09:29:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I believe "ghosts of you" is not grammatically correct. You is a singular based noun while ghosts refers to more than one. The good news? I was actually pulled into this piece. I have a hard time reading others work as I crave a specific writing style that is hard to find. Though that is not this style I think you did well. The poem is very clear. It has good fines during the most confusing part. My question to you is why did you name it "Period" ?
    | Posted on 2013-02-18 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work. I like the way it captures our attention with the beginning, the command to "look". I'm left a little wondering towards the end about what's going on but then it's early yet and I'm only half way down on my coffee. Just now I'm feeling it lacks a nail.
    | Posted on 2013-02-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Linger written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    To written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Cage written by distortedcloud




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]