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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perioddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerioddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look at this patch of light, it flew through
    The concrete void and finally collided
    Into this dreamy scattering.
    Is this my gift, or was it ever real?
    The drums are fading but my heart catches up,
    It is the song bird of the morning, unaware
    Of the eavesdropping hopefuls with strained
    Joints and eager noses. If I were to break out
    The life line on my palm, stretch and subside
    Like a book thrown on the floor by accident
    The ink would be awash with fire, bluish hue and then - -
    Obscurity, condensed
    between the collarbones.
    I should be bold and rip it out, my faulty trachea
    collapsing in the bitter air
    where ghosts of you are lingering.




    Submitted on 2013-01-31 09:29:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I believe "ghosts of you" is not grammatically correct. You is a singular based noun while ghosts refers to more than one. The good news? I was actually pulled into this piece. I have a hard time reading others work as I crave a specific writing style that is hard to find. Though that is not this style I think you did well. The poem is very clear. It has good fines during the most confusing part. My question to you is why did you name it "Period" ?
    | Posted on 2013-02-18 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work. I like the way it captures our attention with the beginning, the command to "look". I'm left a little wondering towards the end about what's going on but then it's early yet and I'm only half way down on my coffee. Just now I'm feeling it lacks a nail.
    | Posted on 2013-02-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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