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Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 139 /256 /171
Words: 123
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1218
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 761



Look at this patch of light, it flew through
The concrete void and finally collided
Into this dreamy scattering.
Is this my gift, or was it ever real?
The drums are fading but my heart catches up,
It is the song bird of the morning, unaware
Of the eavesdropping hopefuls with strained
Joints and eager noses. If I were to break out
The life line on my palm, stretch and subside
Like a book thrown on the floor – by accident –
The ink would be awash with fire, bluish hue and then - -
Obscurity, condensed
between the collarbones.
I should be bold and rip it out, my faulty trachea
collapsing in the bitter air
where ghosts of you are lingering.

Submitted on 2013-01-31 09:29:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I believe "ghosts of you" is not grammatically correct. You is a singular based noun while ghosts refers to more than one. The good news? I was actually pulled into this piece. I have a hard time reading others work as I crave a specific writing style that is hard to find. Though that is not this style I think you did well. The poem is very clear. It has good fines during the most confusing part. My question to you is why did you name it "Period" ?
| Posted on 2013-02-18 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice work. I like the way it captures our attention with the beginning, the command to "look". I'm left a little wondering towards the end about what's going on but then it's early yet and I'm only half way down on my coffee. Just now I'm feeling it lacks a nail.
| Posted on 2013-02-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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