contusion

Author: Clayman ASL Info:    28 - getting late Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609 /327 /167 Words: 90

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1261 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 516

Description:

---

contusion

---

There are butterflies here, they are reminders of fallen things refusing to come to rest. It feels like I remember up until I met fate in the form of flesh, so deceptively simple in a smile, feels like an infinite dream forever an inch from my reach.. But I feel, therefore something will eventually become real, It's all a matter of reaching and grasping at the promise of forever. All a matter of putting the pieces back together.. Svw

Submitted on 2013-01-31 15:12:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

There is so much that I can do with this :) It actually makes me very happy that you worded your title just so. Contusion by definition is: A region of injured tissue or skin in which blood capillaries have been ruptured; a bruise (Thank you Google). Which is ironic in the sense that you're using, it could be the heart that was bruised or the infallible faith we carry at a young age (which with age makes me question the infallibility of said notion). This poem can be seen as disjointed. For I'm sure you know more about what you're trying to say then I do. Which is perfect in a sense that it doesn't seem to conform to normal guidelines that most strive to use to create "The Poem". I'm in admiration for those who do this ( I am not one of these people, I actually try the conformity due to my inability to believe that my words are worth reading). "All a matter to put the pieces back together" A very beautiful sentiment. This poem (to me) speaks of hope that maybe though all the evidence isn't there that something good will come from this gift of darkness that those we loved bequeathed to us. The only issue I have with this piece is this "It feels like I remember up until I met fate in the form of flesh, so deceptively simple in a smile, feels like an infinite dream forever an inch from my reach." In that (stanza/paragraph/non entity) it feels like it's all rushed together. I'm not going to go in the parameters of "flow", I believe that would be insulting to use something that blase for this piece. It seems to need a stopping point, a kind of pause that allows you a moment to reflect where this is headed and to enjoy the journey to the conclusion. Thank you again for titling this "Contusion". Ms. Tint

| Posted on 2013-01-31 00:00:00 | by ARoseyTint | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

196844