Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: contusiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 549
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 516



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscontusiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    There are butterflies here, they are reminders of fallen things refusing to come to rest.

    It feels like I remember up until I met fate in the form of flesh, so deceptively simple in a smile, feels like an infinite dream forever an inch from my reach..

    But I feel, therefore something will eventually become real,
    It's all a matter of reaching and grasping at the promise of forever.

    All a matter of putting the pieces back together..

    Svw




    Submitted on 2013-01-31 15:12:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There is so much that I can do with this :) It actually makes me very happy that you worded your title just so.

    Contusion by definition is: A region of injured tissue or skin in which blood capillaries have been ruptured; a bruise (Thank you Google). Which is ironic in the sense that you're using, it could be the heart that was bruised or the infallible faith we carry at a young age (which with age makes me question the infallibility of said notion).

    This poem can be seen as disjointed. For I'm sure you know more about what you're trying to say then I do. Which is perfect in a sense that it doesn't seem to conform to normal guidelines that most strive to use to create "The Poem". I'm in admiration for those who do this ( I am not one of these people, I actually try the conformity due to my inability to believe that my words are worth reading).

    "All a matter to put the pieces back together"

    A very beautiful sentiment. This poem (to me) speaks of hope that maybe though all the evidence isn't there that something good will come from this gift of darkness that those we loved bequeathed to us.

    The only issue I have with this piece is this

    "It feels like I remember up until I met fate in the form of flesh, so deceptively simple in a smile, feels like an infinite dream forever an inch from my reach."

    In that (stanza/paragraph/non entity) it feels like it's all rushed together. I'm not going to go in the parameters of "flow", I believe that would be insulting to use something that blase for this piece. It seems to need a stopping point, a kind of pause that allows you a moment to reflect where this is headed and to enjoy the journey to the conclusion.

    Thank you again for titling this "Contusion".

    Ms. Tint
    | Posted on 2013-01-31 00:00:00 | by ARoseyTint | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196844

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Stretto written by saartha
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Genesis written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Legends written by poetotoe
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry