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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drowningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Snow9
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 38/21/17
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 467



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrowningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    can't see my hand above,
    but shards of images
    glittering under the sun...

    In the ghostly paperboy's cries
    are scales unfaithfully left behind,
    rubbers, already adults, her,
    the dog-face and the unidentified cocoon.

    Gasping for breath,
    the sterilized syringe
    only tugs at flesh
    (puke to see the barren things
    constituting you...)

    still going by them.




    Submitted on 2013-02-03 05:48:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this sounds like a drug addiction thought thats my thought, like when I was reading it and what it spoke of, kinda seems like your expressing your life through ruff times or a bad time, depressed maybe IDK, but over all the write it self seemed pretty deep to me very deep, thanks for shareing your thoughts of life, God bless my friend

    theinforment
    | Posted on 2013-02-15 00:00:00 | by theinforment | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Snow, good to read something new of yours. I have been MIA or I would have commented sooner.

    This has a eerie feel to it and the way it's kind of fragmented adds to the fear that the title lends. I think it's really good. I wondered a little about the arrangement of the stanzas. I sort of felt like the first and second should trade places, but I may not be reading as you intend it to be read. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.


    ...the barren things constituting you...I really like this line.
    | Posted on 2013-02-13 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


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