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    dots Submission Name: A small interludedots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 333


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    dotsA small interludedots

    A light flashes, eyes flutter,
    a body shudders,
    bound by a coma no more.

    A brain reacts, chains dissolve from a synapse,
    a heart tightens then relaxes.

    Light dissipates, more flashing, a thought floats, convulsing,
    lost between blank spaces again.


    Submitted on 2013-02-04 14:29:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Though I am not sure about the deliberate use of the indefinite article 'a', I liked how the poem followed its own rhythm - rather like a heartbeat, its physicality juxtaposed against the agitated futile flutter of the nervous system. There was only one line I didn't enjoy:

    bound by a coma no more

    though it rolls wonderfully on my tongue, the 'no more' fell flat. Other than that, I liked it, and the deliberate detached manner.
    | Posted on 2013-02-06 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
      It gives me a sense of trasgedy about loss of consciousness. But then I wondered if it is about life itself being a strange flash of consciousness ...

    I kind of don't get much out of verse which merely describes a scene or process; because I want to know also about the observer! However, people tell me that is a matter of taste. Well, this poem uses free verse to achieve a vivid and concise description, and I did get a generic emotional reaction from it (tragedy).

    I'm enjoying reading your poetry.
    | Posted on 2013-02-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

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