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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitled storydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: gwenn sundala
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 76/70/51
    Words: 710
    Class/Type: Story/Childrens
    Total Views: 876
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4123



    Description:
       i wrote this one night while playing with my daughter. struggling to find a title. hoping to publish as a children's book after i get some comments and edit it up some.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitled storydots
    -------------------------------------------


    once upon a time, in a land not so far away, lived a pretty little princess named jaina. now jaina wanted to play with her mommy. but mommy was a writer, and she was busy working on her computer. jaina thought to herself, "if mommy won't play with me, then i'll play with mommy." so jaina climbed up onto the couch, and sat herself at mommy's feet. when mommy didn't do anything, she carefully stood up so mommy could see jaina over her laptop. "mommy? play with me?" but mommy didn't seem to hear her, and kept typing. jaina decided she had to do something to let mommy know she was there.

    jaina began to jump up and down, making silly noises as she did so. mommy looked up to tell jaina, "please sweetie, mommy has to work." but when jaina caught mommy looking, she stopped jumping and leaned over the top of the laptop. mommy couldn't understand everything two year old jaina said, but i imagine it was along the lines of "you spend your time on the computer, and you miss all the fun." as soon as jaina said this, she went back to jumping up and down. this gave mommy an idea. she wanted to write a bedtime story for her baby, but mommy also wanted to play with jaina. that was when mommy realized that jaina was the best bedtime story of all. why would mommy think so? because she didn't have to make it up, she could have fun with jaina and live their adventures together. so mommy shut down her computer, and took jaina by the hand.
    "okay baby, i'm all yours. what shall we do today?

    jaina took mommy to a magical land, where anything you dreamed could happen. the flowers were green with orange stems, because that was how jaina wanted it. the sky was blue, but the sun was pink, and the grass was purple. mommy smiled as she looked around. "it's so pretty here, jaina. and you made this up?" jaina smiled proudly. "you can do it too, mommy. you taught me how. think of anything you'd like!" mommy put her finger on her lip thoughtfully. "well, i do like music. what if the birds were like cd payers?" just then, a bird came up to them and started singing a song. jaina started dancing while mommy laughed. pulling her arms up like a chicken, they danced so much they fell down laughing. jaina giggled. "i like this, mommy. let's do some more!" mommy took jaina's hand so they could find something else to do.

    jaina brought mommy to a field filled with mushrooms and pumpkins. the sun was in the middle of the sky as jaina let go to run ahead. mommy ran after her, when jaina launched into the pumpkin patch. she jumped onto a blue pumpkin, which bounced her back into the air. "try the mushrooms, mommy!" jaina encouraged, so she did. mommy jumped onto a big, yellow mushroom and bounced into the air. they jumped for a long time, bouncing from pumpkin to mushroom, mushroom to pumpkin. jaina started yelling really loudly, "i am having so much fun!" mommy laughed, shouting back "me too, honey!" jaina almost fell off a pumpkin when mommy caught her, collapsing onto the one next to it as they giggled.

    the sky suddenly became really bright, making mommy and jaina squint as they looked up at the giant shadow that appeared. "what's going on in here?" a booming voice asked. jaina got up really fast. "the nite-nite-a-saurus!" she screeched. as she turned to run away, daddy pulled her into his arms as she giggled. "bed, little miss." mommy took jaina to get her pajamas on while daddy got the bed ready. jaina gave mommy a big hug and kiss, forming her fist to make the sign-language for i love you. "i love you too, jaina." mommy said as daddy tucked her into bed. "may i have a bedtime story please?" daddy looked at mommy, who smiled as she knelt down next to the bed. jaina hugged her dolly closer as she listened.

    "once upon a time, there lived a pretty princess named jaina......"




    Submitted on 2013-02-09 15:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Definitely a great start.
    I'd fine-tooth comb it; you have got to get rid of mistakes made in the mechanics of the story. Your punctuation, capitalization, etc. need work.

    It sounds like a story my mom would have told me and one I'd tell my own daughters. It's very much in tune with the heartbeat of current children's literature.

    Good work.
    --Carrie.
    | Posted on 2013-02-13 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]


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