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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopelesslydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95/166/107
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       I was playing around with rhyming schemes to improve, but this isn't the final draft, just wanted some feedback. The second half took less than 5 minutes, it is not really connected to the first other than in theme. So these two are separate.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopelesslydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Horribly beautiful
    this countenance rising
    luminous, unusual
    effortlessly surviving
    visage, ethereal air
    never questioning time
    none exists to compare
    seemingly of divine
    wandering vaguely calling
    with abated breath at most
    I have entirely fallen
    terribly in love with a ghost

    ---

    Ghosts are wonderfully
    visceral creatures
    they wander precariously
    unaware of their features
    completely subdued
    by a gust of wind
    wearily gliding
    from without to within
    incapable of feeling
    love for the living
    experience is lost
    on the undying's bidding
    one thought is their drive
    memories a mixture
    they did not survive
    though remain a fixture
    might this spirit warm
    to a lover's fire stoked?
    find emotion for a moment
    or continue on as smoke?




    Submitted on 2013-02-13 18:10:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow the imagery is amasing i also like teh short stanzas it just flows great ..good work im gonna read em all
    | Posted on 2013-02-17 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      Really liked it, the short stanzas really worked for it. Don't know what changes you are thinking for it, but your piece is really profound.
    | Posted on 2013-02-17 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]
      well done, sometimes the whispers of past continue on through our memories, idk something like that I guess, to me this write is pretty spaztastic you have some good thoughts and words to express I know that much, poetic


    theinforment
    | Posted on 2013-02-14 00:00:00 | by theinforment | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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