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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopelesslydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95/166/107
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 549
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       I was playing around with rhyming schemes to improve, but this isn't the final draft, just wanted some feedback. The second half took less than 5 minutes, it is not really connected to the first other than in theme. So these two are separate.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopelesslydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Horribly beautiful
    this countenance rising
    luminous, unusual
    effortlessly surviving
    visage, ethereal air
    never questioning time
    none exists to compare
    seemingly of divine
    wandering vaguely calling
    with abated breath at most
    I have entirely fallen
    terribly in love with a ghost

    ---

    Ghosts are wonderfully
    visceral creatures
    they wander precariously
    unaware of their features
    completely subdued
    by a gust of wind
    wearily gliding
    from without to within
    incapable of feeling
    love for the living
    experience is lost
    on the undying's bidding
    one thought is their drive
    memories a mixture
    they did not survive
    though remain a fixture
    might this spirit warm
    to a lover's fire stoked?
    find emotion for a moment
    or continue on as smoke?




    Submitted on 2013-02-13 18:10:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow the imagery is amasing i also like teh short stanzas it just flows great ..good work im gonna read em all
    | Posted on 2013-02-17 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      Really liked it, the short stanzas really worked for it. Don't know what changes you are thinking for it, but your piece is really profound.
    | Posted on 2013-02-17 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]
      well done, sometimes the whispers of past continue on through our memories, idk something like that I guess, to me this write is pretty spaztastic you have some good thoughts and words to express I know that much, poetic


    theinforment
    | Posted on 2013-02-14 00:00:00 | by theinforment | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7. What was unclear?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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