Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let His Touch Burndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: simpleandgreen
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 39/141/136
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet His Touch Burndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear silly little girl,

    Romance is for the big leagues,
    Youíre still so young,
    Go out, enjoy yourself,
    Have a little fun.
    Heartbreak is for someone else,
    Definitely not for you,
    Go surf across the clouds,
    Paint the sky light blue,
    Sing among the stars,
    Trace constellations,
    Let the happiness of yourself,
    Be your motivation.
    Let his touch burn,
    A daring sweet sensation,
    The fire of the chase,
    Fuels this youthful nation.
    But please, little girl,
    Donít let him go to deep,
    Youíre too young for that,
    Itís your soul to keep.

    -Love, Green




    Submitted on 2013-02-15 11:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful. <3


    Wonderful message.


    One question: Why paint the sky light blue? It already appears light blue, most of the time. Was it a metaphor for having a clear, happy life?


    I agree with sacrites rating, it doesn't seem forced at all.


    Overall, I was really glad I clicked on this link. :)
    | Posted on 2013-03-01 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, just got sent to my favs list! I loved this read. Great flow. Didn't seem like you forced the rhyming which is good. The lines: "Let the happiness of yourself be your motivation." Amazing line.
    However, you should really go back and clean it up a bit. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors. Other than that, fantastic!! Thank you for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2013-02-19 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196923

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam Bam / Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Stretto written by saartha
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry