Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let His Touch Burndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: simpleandgreen
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 39/141/136
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet His Touch Burndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear silly little girl,

    Romance is for the big leagues,
    Youíre still so young,
    Go out, enjoy yourself,
    Have a little fun.
    Heartbreak is for someone else,
    Definitely not for you,
    Go surf across the clouds,
    Paint the sky light blue,
    Sing among the stars,
    Trace constellations,
    Let the happiness of yourself,
    Be your motivation.
    Let his touch burn,
    A daring sweet sensation,
    The fire of the chase,
    Fuels this youthful nation.
    But please, little girl,
    Donít let him go to deep,
    Youíre too young for that,
    Itís your soul to keep.

    -Love, Green




    Submitted on 2013-02-15 11:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful. <3


    Wonderful message.


    One question: Why paint the sky light blue? It already appears light blue, most of the time. Was it a metaphor for having a clear, happy life?


    I agree with sacrites rating, it doesn't seem forced at all.


    Overall, I was really glad I clicked on this link. :)
    | Posted on 2013-03-01 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, just got sent to my favs list! I loved this read. Great flow. Didn't seem like you forced the rhyming which is good. The lines: "Let the happiness of yourself be your motivation." Amazing line.
    However, you should really go back and clean it up a bit. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors. Other than that, fantastic!! Thank you for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2013-02-19 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196923

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Love written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry