Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let His Touch Burndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: simpleandgreen
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 39/141/136
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 661
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet His Touch Burndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear silly little girl,

    Romance is for the big leagues,
    Youíre still so young,
    Go out, enjoy yourself,
    Have a little fun.
    Heartbreak is for someone else,
    Definitely not for you,
    Go surf across the clouds,
    Paint the sky light blue,
    Sing among the stars,
    Trace constellations,
    Let the happiness of yourself,
    Be your motivation.
    Let his touch burn,
    A daring sweet sensation,
    The fire of the chase,
    Fuels this youthful nation.
    But please, little girl,
    Donít let him go to deep,
    Youíre too young for that,
    Itís your soul to keep.

    -Love, Green




    Submitted on 2013-02-15 11:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful. <3


    Wonderful message.


    One question: Why paint the sky light blue? It already appears light blue, most of the time. Was it a metaphor for having a clear, happy life?


    I agree with sacrites rating, it doesn't seem forced at all.


    Overall, I was really glad I clicked on this link. :)
    | Posted on 2013-03-01 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, just got sent to my favs list! I loved this read. Great flow. Didn't seem like you forced the rhyming which is good. The lines: "Let the happiness of yourself be your motivation." Amazing line.
    However, you should really go back and clean it up a bit. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors. Other than that, fantastic!! Thank you for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2013-02-19 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196923

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry