Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Family (Attempt 1)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erreur
    ASL Info:    20 / M / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 19/25/14
    Words: 24
    Class/Type: Haiku/Misc
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 205



    Description:
       Here we go. My first submission is a Haiku. They are a noble poetry, when done properly. I don't feel like I made succeeded. However, I wanted to share something. So here it is.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily (Attempt 1)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Have I done enough?

    Here with my sleeping family,

    Hating my son-burn




    Submitted on 2013-02-21 20:27:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe I didn't add how much I like it (below). It's a good poem because it made me sit and figure out the scenario, then my reactions to it, and that orderly format has the trick of suggesting something poignant if one can just nnnnget inside the last line! Will you make more haiku?

    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd like to read four other haiku in which you follow this theme - through a day, or through the country or the town, or something with changing scenery.

    I guess the pun is a fine pun but too blunt for a haiku!

    | Posted on 2013-02-24 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196948

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry