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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Family (Attempt 1)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erreur
    ASL Info:    20 / M / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 19/25/14
    Words: 24
    Class/Type: Haiku/Misc
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 205



    Description:
       Here we go. My first submission is a Haiku. They are a noble poetry, when done properly. I don't feel like I made succeeded. However, I wanted to share something. So here it is.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily (Attempt 1)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Have I done enough?

    Here with my sleeping family,

    Hating my son-burn




    Submitted on 2013-02-21 20:27:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe I didn't add how much I like it (below). It's a good poem because it made me sit and figure out the scenario, then my reactions to it, and that orderly format has the trick of suggesting something poignant if one can just nnnnget inside the last line! Will you make more haiku?

    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd like to read four other haiku in which you follow this theme - through a day, or through the country or the town, or something with changing scenery.

    I guess the pun is a fine pun but too blunt for a haiku!

    | Posted on 2013-02-24 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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