This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

When The Fireflies Aren't Around

Author: Snow9
Elite Ratio:    3 - 38 /21 /17
Words: 101
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1722
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 701



When The Fireflies Aren't Around

The placid evening emits
from unwonted quarters around
the street lamps that- yellow, white, red-
serve as windows to a prehistoric glow.
The eaten up progress of the year
has brought to these oasis of brightness
insects that dance as if to be
last-moment will-o-wisps.

a mosquito has made
its way inside the train.
I bend forward to reach out
And... I miss it.

But now, the train, from whose window
I been watching those insects and torches,
has made its way into the station.
Time to get down.
Creatures of mouse-holes
to reinforce the reign of lamps.

Submitted on 2013-02-25 07:29:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  There's a sense of closeness to some natural mystery in your poems. Your use of light and nature to explore the inner life that entangles with the outer is a bit distancing but at the same time calls the reader closer. It's a great mix.

I really like the little details in this one, the last couple of lines especially.
| Posted on 2013-05-06 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?