[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Late Visitdots

    Author: Dead Bell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Ire
    Elite Ratio:    2.42 - 48/129/125
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2255


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLate Visitdots

    Now she sleeps;
    wrapped in the brown linen
    Of the single bed ,
    an outstretched arm away,
    Half drunk
    Dreaming of other pleasures

    Low lit by which
    she drifted off
    In a mumble, muttering “love”
    Make-up still intact
    Glimmering shadows
    On dark green eyelids

    I write with a silencer
    Keeping her out
    Not wanting
    Those glimmering shadows
    Opening up
    and catching me in this
    still after hour

    questions arise;
    why do I not sleep?
    What is this I feel I need?
    And why not she?
    Wrapped up in some old dream

    Why will our bodies
    Not purge
    Our good desires tonight?
    You’re sealed, entombed
    Unconscious of
    Another pleasure or

    Am I just defenceless now?
    Against a suffering
    So capable of love?

    Even your hair keeps you hidden,
    Curls softly past your neck.
    Darker yet is my power
    To take you from
    That dream
    And unclothe your pale body
    That I have touched
    More real than anybody

    I have touched your limits
    Its seems
    Or only to my ability
    Experience is just a taunt
    A laugh from a coffin

    You shift and mock me with a snore
    A temporary debasement an
    Arrow through my thoughts

    What are you dreaming for?
    A wild innocence?
    raging youth?
    A working man or something more?
    Testosterone fuelled killing lights?

    I know you dream of nothing
    Your blue future is solved
    Through the movements
    Of your rapid moving eyes
    And brain
    All limbs are numb
    You go deeper and are dumb
    To my hunger
    Residing into drowsiness

    I feel the warmth of sleep
    Moving from the corners

    I am turning in.

    This old land is coming now
    Flashes of another one
    Wrapped in white linen
    Morning light, Egyptian cotton
    Another dream

    Submitted on 2013-03-08 17:31:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this. REALLY like this.

    It seems that I have sat after an experience like this, thinking these thoughts, and feeling like something was missing, maybe that I was missing something. It all seemed real enough, but not exactly what I was looking for. Maybe that's not what you were trying to convey, but that's how it made me feel.

    Beautiful work...

    I really liked these lines...

    "I have touched your limits
    Its seems
    Or only to my ability
    Experience is just a taunt
    A laugh from a coffin"

    I really love that...
    | Posted on 2013-03-09 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]