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    dots Submission Name: Night Ridedots

    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    26/f/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/51
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723


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    dotsNight Ridedots

    It lurks in the forefront of my mind
    A malevolent whisper--
    Harping my every thought

    Sometimes I can taste it
    I savor the flavor of my death
    A silent promise

    Knowing I'm alive
    Knowing I'm not really here
    I've long since left

    I see no light
    Even the moon is tired
    She hangs almost listlessly

    I cannot satiate this force
    Under a melancholy spell
    I can only bid her farewell

    All begins to fade
    The pain slowly drains
    Surrounded by crimson lies

    I mutter my last goodbye
    Do not mourn my loss
    The cosmos have me now

    Submitted on 2013-03-11 18:56:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very well writte. Your expression is excellent, and I enjoyed reading this.

    | Posted on 2013-03-18 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      your vocab is very extensive. i really appreciate your word choice throughout this piece.
    the subject hand has been visited many a time in many different ways... it seems love and death are what poetry is about... the only difference is how far along the track you are as to how the messages are conveyed.

    prolly dont allow yourself to wallow in these thoughts for too long because they are very powerful and can become all consuming if you arent careful and it is very hard to teach yourself a different way of life after you have fallen in too far if that makes sense.

    i'd be keen to see more punctuation through the piece. youve used linebreaks most effectively but i cannot help but think some of the punch is missing due to the lack of punctuation.

    the cosmos has me now is a very powerful place to end.. you should make it smack the reader in the face.
    | Posted on 2013-03-12 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this poem, i was at a point in my life where everything became nothing to me, death was everything and everything was death lol. Hope i make sense or am relating. Very creative and imaginative keep it up :0)
    | Posted on 2013-03-11 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]

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