The mountains weep in dissolution
as with dirt they attempt to fill the sea.
Fire flies wink on one by one.
Drifting from the open door of night
comes the lassitude of your lullaby.
And as the sun tongues a last
to mist my eyes;
I can feel you real from the inside
dreaming out into the bloom of ever
the stone of the mountains
disappears into purple haze
And you become the lone star
on my horizon.
I like the metaphors used, they are excellent. I also thought the opening lines are really strong and paints a picture. Then I like how the following lines took me to another state of mind. The end justified the entirety of the poem..This is really great Dale.
i absolutely adore the opening lines.
the image you create is so gorgeous and yet completely how it is that i wonder why i never saw it before.
mountains attempt to fill the sea. errosion/ corrosion. elements exposed and performing the task they were created to perform. the age old dance staged by time.
i really appreciate the way you transition from dusk to night sky. the way you use fire flies to aid your imagery so that the reader can put themselves into the evening and watch as the skies change and the stars come out and the wait for the sun begins.