Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nightfalldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2491



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNightfalldots
    -------------------------------------------


                        The mountains weep in dissolution
                        as with dirt they attempt to fill the sea.
                        Fire flies wink on one by one.

                        Drifting from the open door of night
                        comes the lassitude of your lullaby.
                        And as the sun tongues a last
                        bloody kiss
                        to mist my eyes;
                        I can feel you real from the inside
                        dreaming out into the bloom of ever
                        deeper skies.

                        Until,

                        the stone of the mountains
                        disappears into purple haze
                        And you become the lone star
                        on my horizon.




    Submitted on 2013-03-14 23:42:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      as with the comments before mine, i loved the opening lines.

    loved it. :)
    | Posted on 2013-03-31 00:00:00 | by love_confusion | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the metaphors used, they are excellent. I also thought the opening lines are really strong and paints a picture. Then I like how the following lines took me to another state of mind. The end justified the entirety of the poem..This is really great Dale.
    | Posted on 2013-03-16 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      i absolutely adore the opening lines.
    the image you create is so gorgeous and yet completely how it is that i wonder why i never saw it before.

    mountains attempt to fill the sea. errosion/ corrosion. elements exposed and performing the task they were created to perform. the age old dance staged by time.

    i really appreciate the way you transition from dusk to night sky. the way you use fire flies to aid your imagery so that the reader can put themselves into the evening and watch as the skies change and the stars come out and the wait for the sun begins.

    this really is a beautiful piece.
    | Posted on 2013-03-15 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197046

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Carry written by saartha
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry