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    dots Submission Name: Malach HaMavetdots

    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95/166/107
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 881
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612

       It's a little rough around the edges, but I am actually starting to like my new direction of expression.
    Any constructive advice to clean it up a bit would be welcome.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMalach HaMavetdots

    A suitor that always triumphed from the start
    but a welcome distraction with a cold embrace
    this willing donor surrendered her heart
    Succumbed to encircling essence displace
    He kissed the dreams that held most dear
    A patient thief he was known again
    She defied common nature to be near
    While all else ran from the lover's name
    She quietly waited with lack of fear
    As he enveloped her in endless night
    Nothing in the world could ever compare
    Death, a gentleman finds such respite
    In truest love, a beauty no words can write.

    Submitted on 2013-03-19 15:25:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Lets see...you wanted advice on how to "clean it up a bit". My only suggestions are to maybe add punctuation and use a synonym for the word "enveloped" since you used the word "enveloping" a few lines before that. Other than that, great piece!
    </3 Lisa
    | Posted on 2013-03-20 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]

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