[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: bothering.dots

    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 295
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 964
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1978

       Comments aren't necessary! This is for archiving purposes - I needed a quick way to link a friend to this and typing it out here was beneficial.
    I won't be able to reply to comments, tbh, uni is taking up my life. It's a miracle I was even able to write this (due to uni and me just not feeling inspired ever and realizing how terrible I am at writing).
    Feel free to read, though, or remind me how bad I have become.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    They hadn't touched for months,
    Years, it seemed.

    (Like how minutes seem like eternities between the sheets, a week away feels like two lifetimes and some).

    Their initial nights of frolicking, passion and sleeping into bliss eventually turned into nights
    Where he would come home intoxicated by his own breath to find
    Her asleep on her side of the bed
    Leaving his stone cold, not a single crease.

    Those nights - waybackwhen - were Sweet and Sharp
    Like the coffee liqueur he now familiarized himself with. Soon the curves of glass were more familiar to him than her body.

    She found relief in something else.
    Those habits burned from when she was seventeen,
    Now returning at age thirty-three.
    The blades, too, were
    Sweet and Sharp.

    And one night after he positioned himself carefully under the duvet,
    The weehoursofnight later,
    He saw the woman he once knew.
    Almost forgetting that he shared a bed.

    And yet.
    That wasn't what made his heart drop down to his knees,
    Flooding his mind with, "oh dear God no please"

    Those lonely little lines lacerating her skin
    Only just visible under her shirt's hem.

    So peaceful in her sleep.
    But he shakes her awake,
    Her delirious confusion
    Followed by heartache
    She realized he'd seen.

    Before she could pull her shirt down or hide her shame,
    He grabbed her so gently and let free his pain.

    "I didn't realize - "
    "Neither did I."

    They cried together to sleep that night. Tasting those tears, Sweet and Sharp on their tongues after such Bitter and Blurred nights.

    And for a very long time, that was the only way they could still feel each other's presence.

    Submitted on 2013-03-21 07:14:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "that wasn't what made his heart drop to his knees"

    that is quite a line...this is a journey...backwards and forwards...

    a very strong write from beginning to end.

    | Posted on 2013-03-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i know you said you didnt require comments on here but i cannot leave this page without doing so.

    hope thats okay...

    this piece didnt go where i thought it would go.
    and thats a good thing.

    when i watch movies i can usually tell how it will end well before anyone else im with can.
    i can guess the end of lyrics to a song despite never having heard it before.
    i guess endings are my thing.

    this didnt go where i thought it was going.
    it went somewhere much better.

    better in the sense that youve actually addressed a real life situation here [i hope it isnt from personal experience].
    the reality is that as the years progress our relationships can get too comfortable. we stop thinking about the others needs or feelings and only about our own and what will make us feel good. and if thats going out drinking with our friends or sleeping half the day on the other persons only day off work or whatever it is, over time it can cause such hurt and emptiness to build up inside the other person.

    and because one of them is so caught up with themself they forget the triggers or the warning signs until they discover, like you pointed out in this piece, that its too late.

    and it interests me that she goes back to what she knows. i bet when she finally managed to stop self harming the first time around she never expected to find herself doing it again while living her "happily ever after" [which im sure it would have seemed to be at some point earlier on...]

    i really like this.
    youve captured humanity really well.
    | Posted on 2013-03-21 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]
      Before she could pull her shirt down or hide her shame,
    He grabbed her so gently and let free his pain.

    "I didn't realize - "
    "Neither did I."

    They cried together to sleep that night. Tasting those tears, Sweet and Sharp on their tongues after such Bitter and Blurred nights.

    And for a very long time, that was the only way they could still feel each other's presence.

    And it was the exquisite pain
    and aimless self-immolation
    that coaxed a crooked sort of life
    from her as they shared a tragedy built for two.

    Or that appears to be what I've drawn from what you've portrayed...
    | Posted on 2013-03-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]