[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: blue moondots

    Author: southernswagger
    ASL Info:    23/f/england
    Elite Ratio:    1.58 - 9/54/45
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsblue moondots

    envy; such a grey matter
    only the thin get fatter
    and only the bald need wigs-
    do you dig?

    why so serious,
    why so delirious?
    why so sombre?
    why are you a push over?

    what do you want; may I ask?
    sorry, I mean, I demand to know,
    give me some answers
    before I perform my strip show.

    hard or soft, you want one or another
    a male designated/a male designed vagina.
    pinned-up on your wall, next to Jesus pinned to the cross,
    what do you lack, for this great loss,
    do you want to be my boss?

    save yourself before you save me,
    you pay money to see
    dignity and strength on a pole
    because you have neither of your own.

    Submitted on 2013-03-26 18:02:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think with my eyes,
    And it gets you fierce.
    You think with your ears,
    So expect the lies!

    Can I be your boss?
    Only for the night?
    I could whisper sweet nothings;
    be gone before sunrise.

    I could accept differences.
    And, God we've all tried.
    But for eyes and ears to meet,
    you need love inside.

    Great poem. Thanks for the read. This comment just occured. Love!
    | Posted on 2013-03-28 00:00:00 | by strike three | [ Reply to This ]
      Some good observations "only the thin get fatter" and excellent lines like ... "I mean, I demand to know/ before I perform my strip show. I wasn't getting the overall theme on the first read through even though I enjoyed the freshness of the writing. I was a bit put-off by what seemed to be some forced rhymes. I would rearrange the last stanza as:

    Because you have nothing of your own,
    you pay money to see
    my dignity and strength on a pole -
    Save yourself before you save me.

    giving the ending more effect. Anyway, I like it.
    | Posted on 2013-03-26 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
       Well well well, a strip tease story, in the light of a striper. Asking what the man wants. Does the man want to save her or be full of lust? A very sexist industry, but do women care?
    These thoughts of mine are so kind, good read. Good wright.
    | Posted on 2013-03-26 00:00:00 | by Windigo | [ Reply to This ]
      So many lonely men watching porn these days. Have a little mercy! I realize these women are often beyond their keen, but of it's endemic to our genetics to lust for. Non the less I have a great deal of empathy for the manumissional treatise it did to me. "Do you want to be my boss", your killing me, I love it!!

    | Posted on 2013-03-26 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Push written by JanePlane
    AI written by poetotoe
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]