Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Into Ruinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: raspberry89
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 5/18/22
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 771



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInto Ruinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    How can I define to you in a rhyme
    My pain, melodically, nurtured by time

    How can I make anyone feel what I feel
    When all I know are lies, how can I make this real

    Let me bring you down with me
    As we walk through the fires, tell me what you see

    Give me 18 years to destroy your worth
    I'll be in your brain til you regret your birth

    Let me throw you to the lions blindfolded
    Stand your ground, see how long you can hold it

    Let me sully all that surrounds you
    You'll thank God for the worst you've been through

    Only when your life hinges on hiding like I hid
    Will you be capable of knowing pain like I did




    Submitted on 2013-03-28 05:07:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Painful! Angst against a parent? Reads really well. I would have loved to see a more forgiving closure; a rise above the pain!
    | Posted on 2013-04-04 00:00:00 | by strike three | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. Making a rhyme chain like that is a thought for words. Some can't do what you just did.
    | Posted on 2013-03-28 00:00:00 | by Windigo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197120

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Promise written by annie0888
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Incubus written by monad
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry