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    dots Submission Name: To a Liardots

    Author: raspberry89
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 5/18/22
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 585


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    dotsTo a Liardots

    I hear lies in the words you say
    Your mouth molds truth like clay
    I feel distance in the love you display
    You must have slept with Emily today

    You took it further than I thought you could
    And then lied, like I knew you would
    Don't try to act like I misunderstood
    You cut thru me like an axe thru wood

    Now I know the truth and must relay
    My hatred I cannot convey
    Your deceit will come back to you one day
    I hope on your soul it does weigh

    Submitted on 2013-03-30 01:26:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Normally I don't like poems with this type of rhyme scheme. This one stands out to me though with a few versus, particularly;

    "You took it further than I thought you could
    And then lied, like I knew you would"

    Wonderful! I enjoy the contrast and the overall bitterness and hurt. As the poem went on, though, it seemed to lose it's edge. Your use of 'thru' instead of 'through' takes away from the serious tone I had adapted to from the beginning. Overall, though, I think this is a nice poem.
    | Posted on 2013-04-01 00:00:00 | by KotaNashi | [ Reply to This ]
      loved it.
    i can relate to this in some aspects.
    specially the line "I feel distance in the love you display"
    | Posted on 2013-03-31 00:00:00 | by love_confusion | [ Reply to This ]

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