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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thanksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 963



    Description:
       Raw, trying to get some gratitude flowin.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThanksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am greatful for the morning time, when everything feels brand new
    blessings and mercies that my heart absorbs as the skies open for another living day
    It is a miracle that I have eyes that distinguish color and translate
    foreign tongue
    that my body could read a message from your body
    we are friendly
    we say hello
    there is no better suggestion as my mind calculates every moment that SAYS to me,
    YOU ARE FORGIVEN
    THIS IS A NEW DAY
    A NEW MOMENT

    I know you are with me,
    I know you see me
    I know I am wonderfully made
    I cannot thank you enough
    I ask that you continue to nurture this garmet of thanksgiving on me
    that my praises expand to meet you
    where I am the sky
    and the sumptuous buttery flavor
    of pancakes
    and other wondrous things

    Let us not forget each other







    Submitted on 2013-04-02 09:42:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i know inherently what's being articulated here but it's somewhat clumsy and gushing too and I can't help thinking that with some discipline applied to the structure/line breaks, the message could be clarified to the point that more others would 'get it'.

    If that is what you want: that others will get it, relate and nod as opposed to picking holes in spelling, punctuation and form then you're well on your way but in poetry just as in literature it's accuracy and following of certain dictats that will underpin your best efforts.

    'Greatful' should read grateful and it's just that sort of minor issue that detracts from an interesting and potentially compelling narrative. you should write and submit this again...
    | Posted on 2015-03-24 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for expressing this, it is very beautiful and reminiscent of a morning full of promise.
    And I the feeling comes across to me that we wish to remember to be thankful. Żou are not saying give me more to be thankful for; you are saying help me to have the awareness of mind to appreciate that which I know, because truly it is never deserving of the absence of thanks.
    Let us not forget eachother indeed
    | Posted on 2013-04-07 00:00:00 | by Sairuset | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    197154

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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