[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Thanksdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 963

       Raw, trying to get some gratitude flowin.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I am greatful for the morning time, when everything feels brand new
    blessings and mercies that my heart absorbs as the skies open for another living day
    It is a miracle that I have eyes that distinguish color and translate
    foreign tongue
    that my body could read a message from your body
    we are friendly
    we say hello
    there is no better suggestion as my mind calculates every moment that SAYS to me,

    I know you are with me,
    I know you see me
    I know I am wonderfully made
    I cannot thank you enough
    I ask that you continue to nurture this garmet of thanksgiving on me
    that my praises expand to meet you
    where I am the sky
    and the sumptuous buttery flavor
    of pancakes
    and other wondrous things

    Let us not forget each other

    Submitted on 2013-04-02 09:42:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i know inherently what's being articulated here but it's somewhat clumsy and gushing too and I can't help thinking that with some discipline applied to the structure/line breaks, the message could be clarified to the point that more others would 'get it'.

    If that is what you want: that others will get it, relate and nod as opposed to picking holes in spelling, punctuation and form then you're well on your way but in poetry just as in literature it's accuracy and following of certain dictats that will underpin your best efforts.

    'Greatful' should read grateful and it's just that sort of minor issue that detracts from an interesting and potentially compelling narrative. you should write and submit this again...
    | Posted on 2015-03-24 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for expressing this, it is very beautiful and reminiscent of a morning full of promise.
    And I the feeling comes across to me that we wish to remember to be thankful. ou are not saying give me more to be thankful for; you are saying help me to have the awareness of mind to appreciate that which I know, because truly it is never deserving of the absence of thanks.
    Let us not forget eachother indeed
    | Posted on 2013-04-07 00:00:00 | by Sairuset | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]