I am greatful for the morning time, when everything feels brand new
blessings and mercies that my heart absorbs as the skies open for another living day
It is a miracle that I have eyes that distinguish color and translate
that my body could read a message from your body
we are friendly
we say hello
there is no better suggestion as my mind calculates every moment that SAYS to me,
YOU ARE FORGIVEN
THIS IS A NEW DAY
A NEW MOMENT
I know you are with me,
I know you see me
I know I am wonderfully made
I cannot thank you enough
I ask that you continue to nurture this garmet of thanksgiving on me
that my praises expand to meet you
where I am the sky
and the sumptuous buttery flavor
and other wondrous things
i know inherently what's being articulated here but it's somewhat clumsy and gushing too and I can't help thinking that with some discipline applied to the structure/line breaks, the message could be clarified to the point that more others would 'get it'.
If that is what you want: that others will get it, relate and nod as opposed to picking holes in spelling, punctuation and form then you're well on your way but in poetry just as in literature it's accuracy and following of certain dictats that will underpin your best efforts.
'Greatful' should read grateful and it's just that sort of minor issue that detracts from an interesting and potentially compelling narrative. you should write and submit this again...
Thank you for expressing this, it is very beautiful and reminiscent of a morning full of promise.
And I the feeling comes across to me that we wish to remember to be thankful. Żou are not saying give me more to be thankful for; you are saying help me to have the awareness of mind to appreciate that which I know, because truly it is never deserving of the absence of thanks.
Let us not forget eachother indeed