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    dots Submission Name: Acquiescencedots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 370


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    Look up the sky, its frozen breath is hanging
    Off the golden river, and our eyes are both
    Blind and piercing at once the veil of time
    As the crimson sail billows --
    Beckoning at us
    Through the years.
    Looped in black ink of trees, this winter sun, --
    how it quivers! and how young
    your chilled cheeks feel.

    Submitted on 2013-04-03 19:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I especially like the last lines here. Up until that point the human presence is as the observer, then suddenly its observed and the distinction is lovely in how it veers from the nature imagery yet also ties into it, being apart of the landscape. I also like that you could have described the cheeks in color but didn't, the way you used specific colors to describe the other aspects of the poem. The chilled cheeks feeling young is also very interesting and I automatically know exactly what you mean by that!
    | Posted on 2013-04-03 00:00:00 | by Aym | [ Reply to This ]

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