Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: wide opendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 994



    Description:
       for his birthday


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswide opendots
    -------------------------------------------


    the window still, the lone star
    clinging above and my lover
    as always at his post somewhere
    at the blueprint of our world

    this is our tomorrow..

    the piles of books, his table,
    my corner of the bed, paper clips,
    empty trashcan,
    ink
    a box of pizza
    and water drops from the faucet to separate
    the ticks of his heart from the 80's songs
    of the radio

    outside..

    the city lights shine like brittle rocks
    under the moonlight in a hypothetical shore
    brick after brick his voice resounds
    racing day and night to the quarry
    of my mind

    I was alone now..

    somewhere in it all my tenderness for blue eyes
    the day when my dreams will erupt in the cellar
    along with dusty figurines and crappy shoes

    cracks of time
    breaking between now and tomorrow
    where he lingers..




    Submitted on 2013-04-08 09:02:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      is your lover military? "as always at his post somewhere at the blueprint of our world."

    Rich visualizations and the meter was as well.
    | Posted on 2013-04-17 00:00:00 | by Mepo | [ Reply to This ]
      A perfect poem? Well maybe,
    or maybe not
    but my eyes see what they will.
    you have turned everyday truths and images
    into metaphors of astounding complexity and yet
    your poem simply is so real and uncomplicated how could anyone not get it and fall in love with
    such an intriguing creation.
    | Posted on 2013-04-12 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197194

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry