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    dots Submission Name: The Stable Fortune of Malcolm Morsedots

    Author: master raz
    ASL Info:    28/M/England
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 65/71/19
    Words: 348
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2546

       What do you do when you're foaled into buying a pony?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Stable Fortune of Malcolm Morsedots

    Now may I introduce to you
    a man named Malcolm Morse,
    who turned his fortunes round one day,
    when he bought a baby horse

    Now Malcolm Morse (who bought the horse)
    had planned for it to race,
    but he had to prove it'd got the hooves
    to earn its Pedigree place

    So he sent it to a specialist
    to confirm that all was right,
    but upon conclusion of the tests
    our Malcolm was in for a fright...

    You see...
    ...the horse that he bought
    was not as he thought
    to be a future Ascot winner

    In fact...
    ...the chances his foal
    would achieve his main goal
    were getting slimmer and slimmer and slimmer

    This latest development made Malcolm irate,
    especially the expert and what he did state:

    "I regret to inform you, but your horse is a phony,
    It's not quite Black Beauty, but more Shetland Pony,

    In fact might I suggest you put him to rest,
    he's failed the test, so it's probably for the best..."

    This news shocked Malcolm like never before
    and stood in the hallway, his jaw to the floor...
    "Stop speaking" he shouted, "I can't take it no more..."
    And promptly shoved the expert right out of his door...
    ...said Malcolm, as he pulled his car keys from the drawer
    "As we're not welcome in-land, we'll move to the shore"

    So he squeezed poor old pony into the boot of his car,
    a Mini Cooper, to be precise, that'd never travelled too far...
    A comfortable journey, it wasn't, I'm sure he'd agree
    driving two hundred miles with a pony on his knee.

    So off they went
    past Stoke-on-Trent
    and moved to Whitby-on-the-Sea
    Where he charged people to ride
    across the seaside
    on his not-quite-a-horse-but-a-pony

    And as the years passed
    quite a sum had amassed
    in the bank account of Malcolm Morse...
    ...and down to this day
    you'll always hear him say:
    "Thank goodness you were never a horse!"

    Submitted on 2013-04-08 15:05:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a fantastic poem from beginning to end. It maintains that delightful flow you start with and builds to a great punch line at the end. I commented extensively on your featured poem, The Gardener, and I think it is one of the most beautiful poems on this site - certainly among the closest to publishing quality.

    This is a great poem, too, though it seems more like one written for fun. In any case, I think it could be a terrific poem with a few changes to maintain the rhythm and syllable count throughout. You are definitely a great storyteller, which is a great commodity in poetry.

    Thanks for the read!

    | Posted on 2014-09-10 00:00:00 | by isselman2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I rode that pony, when I was a little boy. My Gran said the guy was charging scandalous fees for a ride, but sure enough there was a long queue.

    I like the way your verseform varies with the story's rhythm but never busts out of its balladeering frame!

    This comment is like the one on Midnight Beast because I most noticed your easy skill with the sound of English.
    | Posted on 2013-04-12 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

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