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Shadow Heart

Author: DaleP
ASL Info:    57/M/TX
Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 632 /554 /330
Words: 159
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1455
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 6951


Shadow Heart


                              Standing in the foyer
                              of a lifetime
                              yet to run
                              I argue with my refection
                              in a silver gilded mirror
                              does she love me
                              is she thinking of me
                              do I even have a right to care

                              The shadow band plays tunes
                              of stark speculation
                              in long tones of gathered gloom
                              While the moon through my window                               turns illusion
                              into a hatful of gold

                              Will the morning see us
                              cuddled in harmony
                               or will I breakfast alone
                              in whiskey sodden misery

                              The devil? well he will
                              sympathize until I am out of
                              but the only way the sun will shine
                              is with her lips joined to mine

                              My love for her
                              on the inside
                              Like chocolate
                              melting in too much
                              It may not be good for me
                              and it is darker than sweet
                              but O
                              what a tasty treat

Submitted on 2013-04-19 00:32:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I must say this poem is somewhat divided in two parts, there is the questioning and submission. It is apparent how all of us are not in control with our emotions most of the time. We try to stop but still we continue. I like how you end this as much as the beginning. The middle part, I agree with the previous comment is a bit shaky there.
| Posted on 2013-04-26 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
  the first two stanzas are great. i really like the shadow band [as a wedding ring is also called a band so its kind of a word play but maybe not on purpose] but i feel like the second two stanzas are unnecessary darkness...

hear me out!

you start the piece with great imagery and ideas and while i can understand how the last half relates it gets somewhat gobbled up in clichéd ideas that have been heard before.. if you could find a new way of saying it without the devil and the jester and blood dripping then maybe it would work better but its almost like you werent sure how to end it so you just kept going until it ended itself...

please dont be mad for my comment. i do not mean it in a bad way at all. its just i really liked the first two stanzas but after that the effect was lost on me. perhaps ive just been round this site too long and read too many blood driping love poems...

your opening line is INCREDIBLE!! the foyer of a life time... WOW!
| Posted on 2013-04-19 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]

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