Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wading (meditation at mid-night)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416



    Description:
       a quick ditty before bed...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWading (meditation at mid-night)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wading through air-
    The thick blackness of evening unfolds
    I am a scorched sequoia- the roots which
    Shoulder down into the sweet soil
    And lick the sap of ancient stones
    The black crow unfurls in caws and rattles
    That pierce the fat inkwell of evening
    Watch the tongue dip and scrawl
    Dip-
    and
    scrawl�
    Mysteries in hope of dawn




    Submitted on 2013-04-23 22:45:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me a bit of romanticim. I like the imagery and word choice. I found particularly riveting "the inkwell of night". Howver, I beleive the word "fat" sort of spoils it a little. It was my favorite line but maybe you could change the word "fat" by "infinite" which flows better, for money and you add more alitaration to your piece which is always nice to have. Another, critique has to do with the line break in line 3. I reckon you could re-write it so as to make it flow better.

    Enjoyed this much,
    Take care keep posting,
    Later,

    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2013-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks, Bill for your comment. I have never read this from Frost!
    | Posted on 2013-04-24 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      I have been one acquainted with the night.
    I have walked out in rain—and back in rain.
    I have outwalked the furthest city light.

    I have looked down the saddest city lane.
    I have passed by the watchman on his beat
    And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

    I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
    When far away an interrupted cry
    Came over houses from another street,

    But not to call me back or say good-bye;
    And further still at an unearthly height,
    One luminary clock against the sky

    Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
    I have been one acquainted with the night.

    - Robert Frost



    Your "little ditty" reminds of a walk on the darker side of this poem; absolute darkness without the comfort, gentleness, or thoughtfulness that Frost intended in his work. Frost's work reflects a meditative frame of mind, while yours seems to dwell on either a vaguely troubled mind or one that has just discovered a hint of the evil that occasionally hides in the corners of the room.

    Just some thoughts derived from your thoughts, JP.
    | Posted on 2013-04-24 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197270

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry