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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stainsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CrypticBard
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 368/381/226
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 327



    Description:
       A random stitched acrostic. See photo for text formatting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstainsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    .




    Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid from sight;
    When spiralling shadows flee,
    Distant pinings, kindling light.

    Although our dreams are broken chains,
    Their scars decry discordant strains.




    .




    Submitted on 2013-04-24 06:28:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I rather liked this one. It reminded me of something I once heard about dreams.

    " Dreams breathe life into men, and can cage them in suffering. Men live and die by their dreams, but long after they've been abandoned, they still smolder deep in men's hearts."

    It makes me think of how, while we may give up on our dreams, they are never truly forgotten. They will remind you of their presence when you least expect it. Stoking the fire one more time.

    The Bird
    | Posted on 2013-12-26 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't see the pic of the acrostic formatting, however, I think you need the rhyme that the word "sight" brings. Perhaps, change 'Although" to "Though"or Tho. I think one less syllable would be better there.
    Overall nicely done in a compact style that pack imagery without the fluff.
    ~Jan
    | Posted on 2013-05-03 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is pretty good. It has wonderful imagery and a nice rhythm.

    By way of a suggestion:

    "Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid from sight;"
    I feel that there is no need for the words "from sight", as it is implied in the "hid". By just leave hid, the poem has a much better flow.

    Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid;-------It is just my opinion but to me, it reads more smoothly.

    again, nice job.

    jp
    | Posted on 2013-04-24 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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