Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stainsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CrypticBard
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 368/381/226
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 327



    Description:
       A random stitched acrostic. See photo for text formatting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstainsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    .




    Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid from sight;
    When spiralling shadows flee,
    Distant pinings, kindling light.

    Although our dreams are broken chains,
    Their scars decry discordant strains.




    .




    Submitted on 2013-04-24 06:28:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I rather liked this one. It reminded me of something I once heard about dreams.

    " Dreams breathe life into men, and can cage them in suffering. Men live and die by their dreams, but long after they've been abandoned, they still smolder deep in men's hearts."

    It makes me think of how, while we may give up on our dreams, they are never truly forgotten. They will remind you of their presence when you least expect it. Stoking the fire one more time.

    The Bird
    | Posted on 2013-12-26 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't see the pic of the acrostic formatting, however, I think you need the rhyme that the word "sight" brings. Perhaps, change 'Although" to "Though"or Tho. I think one less syllable would be better there.
    Overall nicely done in a compact style that pack imagery without the fluff.
    ~Jan
    | Posted on 2013-05-03 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is pretty good. It has wonderful imagery and a nice rhythm.

    By way of a suggestion:

    "Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid from sight;"
    I feel that there is no need for the words "from sight", as it is implied in the "hid". By just leave hid, the poem has a much better flow.

    Though stars above us dim
    And all about is hid;-------It is just my opinion but to me, it reads more smoothly.

    again, nice job.

    jp
    | Posted on 2013-04-24 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197272

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Wavelength written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry