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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Monumentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Windigo
    Elite Ratio:    2.66 - 6/13/13
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 316



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMonumentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One man stands still in the crowd;
    A statue, frozen in his time.

    One man crawls across the ground;
    A soldier, fighting for his name.

    One boy asks, “Who is he?”
    A message for all to see.

    One boy knows who he is;
    My father, I know that smile.




    Submitted on 2013-05-03 21:22:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can relate to this since I was a military brat. I like this and the sense that one person out of the corp is everything to one person. However try tightening things up a bit without loosing your measured structure.

    One man stands still in the crowd; (7)
    A statue, frozen in his time. (8)

    One man crawls across the ground;(7)
    A soldier, fighting for his name. (8)

    One boy asks, “Who is he?” (6)
    A message for all to see. (7)

    One boy knows who he is;(6)
    My father, I know that smile.(7)

    Your message would still be the same, but the stucture flows a bit better and is more uniform. The suggestions are there, take or discard as you choose.

    | Posted on 2013-05-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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