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    dots Submission Name: Vernal innocence and seasonal correction dots

    Author: OneDarkFlame92
    ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 457/422/225
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1082
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565


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    dotsVernal innocence and seasonal correction dots

    laid out, lying
    caressed into a soft pink
    against lighter skin
    alluding to darker shades
    exuding deep reds

    Deep into the heart of Spring

    your petals bloom and open
    and i can hide under the rose
    until they extend past comfort
    and into a tart, prickly desire

    Deep within the heart of Spring

    a sweet, sticky nectar
    pressed against my mouth
    begging to part these lips and ask:

    why is everything always about sex?

    Submitted on 2013-05-04 12:46:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      im not sure where my brain is tonight but sex was not the first thing i thought of when reading this piece.
    for some reason all i could see was someone laid out in a coffin... it wasnt til right at the end that i worked out i was quite quite wrong lol.

    so stepping away from the coffin...

    i like the progression.

    into the heart... within the heart...
    flirting... marriage... does that make sense?

    anyways... why is everything always about sex?

    | Posted on 2013-05-08 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]
      what i liked was
    "a sweet, sticky nectar" it painted a nice picture in my head. Sexual of nature I admit. I liked that you chose an organic word such as nectar.

    what im not sure about is the middle stanza. i don't know if thats flower talk or sex talk. or maybe thats what you're trying to achieve , that is both and invidual at the same time.

    the first stanza the word choice
    laid out, lying"

    as a thought maybe replace "laid out" with a word that describes the nature of the lying

    for example
    sprawled out, lying"

    I dont know if I even like "sprawled out" in there but just an example

    Good last stanza. I always like a good sex poem. thanks for the post.
    | Posted on 2013-05-04 00:00:00 | by strokes | [ Reply to This ]

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