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    dots Submission Name: Remembering dreamsdots

    Author: Jessica Lynn
    ASL Info:    22/f/mn
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 121/119/57
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 510
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 791

       Had a weird dream about the past.... then woke up to the sound of my name being whispered. Strange considering I'm the only one here..... oof da....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemembering dreamsdots

    Whispers in my sleep,
    in heated darkness,
    demons creep.

    They give me candy in my dreams,
    Is it really as sweet as it seems?
    Dreaming Jessica cannot help it,
    temptation shall not be my forfeit.

    Bitter comes and sweetness goes.
    Remembering and feeling those ancient woes.
    Hearing what I wanted to hear,
    yet still it makes me shed a tear.

    Now I go on in dream days,
    remembering and digging up ancient graves.
    sewing back up ancient wounds,
    recalling what it was to be the loser.

    I thank the demons for their gift,
    Candy and tears before I drift
    off into vivid reality.
    And wonder what the hell just happened to me....

    Submitted on 2013-05-05 10:52:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Although I understand that this came from a dream sequence, I would look at the overall picture. I'm big on structure and craft so I'd rework the first stanza to fit with the other four and I'd change "Wounds" to "toture" so that the rhyme scheme works a bit better in the 4th strophe. Your ending is good becausethe change of language is that slap of reality when you awake.
    | Posted on 2013-05-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

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