Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: scratch-off-where-you've-beendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Solomon Disease
    ASL Info:    101, male, earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 284/292/104
    Words: 304
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1765



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsscratch-off-where-you've-beendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I bought one of those scratch-off-where-you've-been maps for her as a going away gift

    You know - the ones where you scratch off where you've been

    She said it was her dream to go to every single place in the world
    An impossible beautiful wonderful child-like dream
    A child-like heart - which I wish I still had

    Talking to her would make all my troubles and worries disappear
    The whole world would melt away
    It would be just us
    Warm
    Happy
    Cliche

    Very, maybe I'm just imaging how great it was
    Just thinking about her is making me feel better right now

    Had to deal with a lot of negative people recently
    And I'm tired
    Bitter aging people
    They want you to be bitter too

    At this point, I have no wish to run in some silly race to catch an imaginary prize which they think will get them . . . more . . . more of what?

    At some point, I just want to ask, what are you chasing after? What are you trying to find? There is nothing at the finish line buddy, you've been duped - and you might actually believe the lies once you cross the finish line . . . denial, the only way to prop up your empty beliefs and life

    Who am I to talk, my life is full of empty beliefs and my life is pretty empty right now

    So, I try to clean my room
    Stuff every where
    Eventually stuff starts feeling better
    Then I find the map
    . . .
    I never gave it to her
    She left before I could
    We said our goodbyes over the phone
    Now I'm sitting here with this stupid map

    Angry, lost, and alone




    Submitted on 2013-05-07 20:02:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is awesome, I miss your writing so much. From start to finish. The subject and content, your tone, after thought, all of it. Lines like,

    "Had to deal with a lot of negative people recently
    And I'm tired"

    An impossible beautiful wonderful child-like dream
    A child-like heart - which I wish I still had

    So, I try to clean my room
    Stuff every where
    Eventually stuff starts feeling better


    There is a lot of human honesty here. I love that, the only gripe I have in the whole thing is the idea that this is driven from real life, and my dear dear friend has been through this piece before hand to navigate the reader along to the conclusion...

    Angry, lost, and alone


    Sorry buddy. Chin up?
    Missed you on the site. Glad you are sharing.
    | Posted on 2013-05-08 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197368

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    ME written by jjd
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Bond written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Linger written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    This written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry