Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Red Rain: Takendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cordell
    ASL Info:    36/M/Philadelphia P.A.
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 592/807/391
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1109
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       Red Rain: Taken (Red Rain: Anthology 3)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRed Rain: Takendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wasn't allowed back in the house, they have torched it, everything is gone, and I have nothing. Reality kicked in and it felt as if everything was a dream a fucking nightmare. The Navy, Marines, Army, Coast Guards, all national security governments were there. I looked upon the city skyline and seen the world in total, utter chaos. The scene was worse that I could describe. Buildings tumbled to the ground, bodies of the once living on the lying around, the dead with no sound. And anyone who knew anybody could be not found. A hand grabs my arm and yanks me into a van two doors slamů




    Submitted on 2013-05-08 21:46:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is terrifying, because you imagine said things so vividly in your mind. Though, some grammar issues- or rather, choice of where you put your words.
    Did you mean "The scene was worse than what I could describe" instead of;

    "The scene was worse that I could describe"?

    & "And anyone who knew anybody could not be found" instead of;

    "And anyone who knew anybody could be not found"?

    It's only one letter misleading, but it sort of puzzled me for a moment.
    However, breathtaking. I love this writing.
    | Posted on 2013-05-13 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197374

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Genesis written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry